Simon Says

1. A few nights ago I heard Simon walk into the bathroom and step onto the scale to weigh himself (as opposed to all those other things people do when stepping on a scale). After a medium-sized pause he called out, "Grace, how much do you think jeans weigh?"

2. As Simon was greeting me with a kiss (and catching a whiff of my apppppparently offensive breath) that same evening he again paused and very seriously asked, "uh.............have you been snacking on one of Julia's diapers??"