Mayday on Vday

Julia, Sebastian, and I have all come down with a cold or the flu ... maybe a combo of the two: the clu. Julia's clu came complete with a smokers hack sidekick that is exacerbated by the ugly hours of the morning: 3:00, 4:00, and 5:32 which is odd because I was pretty sure I had found and confiscated all of her packs of Camel Lights but apparently not. Her nose is a prolific faucet that magically squirts a crustache onto her upper lip faster than I can say ... a string of bad words. Sebastian is just confused by his congestion but doesn't mind the blue bulb interrogations and I am donig jsut fnie wevaing in and out of a Dayquil then Nyquil then Dayquil again stupor. Raelly. I ma.

Enter Valentine's day. Clu be badworded, I decided I would pull out the small pistols and make a meal that didn't require my favorite function of the microwave: defrost.  Things were going to get fancy up in here with chicken rolled in crushed cornflakes, a tossed salad, sliced kiwi, and peanut butter infused (roll with it) cupcakes. I got as far is infusing the cupcakes with the disaster of a peanut butter mixture which had to be made with crushed cornflakes rather than graham cracker crumbs as I couldn't go to the store (we are currently a one car family as one of the cars is in the shop after a little tumble with a runaway tire left in the road until 'late next week' which in the language of truth actually means, 'Easter Monday' -- guarant AND I don't go to the store alone with tweedle cray and tweedle crazy -- too fun) when Julia threw her first of six temper tantrums that landed her in her first of six 12 second timeouts. Cold Schmold --  fever schmeaver -- vomit schmomit -- poor and obnoxious behavior is not tolerated by this understanding and loving mother.  Sebastian then started in on his version of a tantrum and since he hasn't quite reached the 4 month age of reason -- his poor behavior was reinforced by back to back episodes of Barney on the laptop while he lounged in the Bumbo (details on this highly effective discipline approach will be outlined in my upcoming book, "How to Parent Perfectly Always").

The picture of perfected motherhood and domesticity. 

Toddler watching Yo educational Gabba Gabba with three whole vehicles of hydration at her fingertips. 

Happy baby armed with blue bulb and cupcakes.

Talented photographer for a mother.

New paragraph for the frosting. I know there is a difference between granulated and powdered sugar but -- again -- no store for this hermita so I Googled myself into a disaster of a frosting that resembled brown cement -- or poop. Fortunately, the consistency lent to easy heart molding onto the top of the cakes. Success! And it was only 3:20. Simon is on a truly wonderful rotation this month that allows him to leave the hospital at 5:00. So nice. Of course enter the aye and the rub: there is always the outside chance that an unscheduled c-section will be scheduled (?) for sometime between 5:00 and 5:45  .. which Simon will have to do. Very fortunately, this has yet to happen. Until yesterday. Of course.

New paragraph for my mature response to the news. When Simon called to drop the happy bomb Sebastian was yodeling loudly about wanting to taste the poopcakes and so I had to get off the phone quickly ... because Sebastian was being loud ... not because I was mad ... and if I was mad it was because I was mad at the situation ... not at Simon. Of course. Because I am a logical lady. I always have been and I always will be.

I won't continue with the day's play by play because Julia is exhibiting nasty signs that she needs to go to bed at 4:19 in the afternoon (fine by me) but some bright spots of the holiday were that Julia learned how to proudly bring me a square inch of toilet paper to wipe her crustache with and I now have a whole lot of cornflake crusted chicken that I plan to top my heart-shaped pizza with tonight. Because apparently, according to almost every blog in the world, heart-shaped pizzas were the thing to make yesterday. Stupid Pinterest.  Leading me down the less traveled peanut butter infused cupcake path rather than the popular heart-shaped pizza path.

(and yes I realize my life is sheer bliss if my biggest complaint is a shortage of powdered sugar but sometimes I like a good vent of the typing variety - as you know all too well)