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Today.

Today can be summed up in a long string of completely disjointed and not whiney sentences.

I think the kids woke up a combined number of 100 times last night (nothing a little unplugged baby monitor, 10 box fans, and lots of Ambien for alllll members of the fam won't fix tonight). During my run/walk this morning, a car actually honked at me to move over onto the sidewalk. I didn't, don't worry. When we returned home and I was recovering Julia fed Sebastian his own diaper fresh from the trash can and if his impressively strong latch was any indicator, he thought it tasted amazing.

While I was drying my hair after its weekly washing Julia put a brief moratorium on her 'must be within 2 feet -- preferably touching mom' rule, hiked up two flights of stairs (stopped in the kitchen to drink some generic Pam) with a turned on electric toothbrush. She made it all the way to Sebastian's sleeping face in his portacage where she apparently tried to 'bush his teef' but instead dropped the not very light toofbush on his face. I found the escape artist just in time to see Sebastian in a fit of justified rage that I hope to never ever encounter again.

I decided to pair a necklace with my clean hair which I'm fairly certain contributed two or three beads to Sebastian's current digestive tract. We'll find out in a week when he drops his weekly diaper bomb. Speaking and smelling of diaper bombs, I'm definitely certain Julia figured out a way to drop a seemingly invisible diaper bomb sans diaper in my closet at some point today.

Julia has a sudden and strong aversion to any and all shirts and only wants to wear shorts that could pass as immodest swimsuit bottoms. She also discovered the box of toys with a millllllllllllllion parts that I had hidden away deep in the dark recesses of the basement never to be found again. She promptly marched it outside to dump out and share with her pet ant hill that she keeps fat and happy with 78% of every meal that conveniently misses her mouth. Let me stress -- one milllllllion parts.

And to top it all off I was supposed to meet Simon for some hospital cafeteria fare at 1:00 but still hadn't heard from him at 1:30 because he was stuck in a loooooong surgery. Don't worry -- I didn't get mad at him -- I got mad at the situation.

But for once in my control freak of a life I decided to roll with all of the blessed fun.

I'm not sure why. Maybe because Julia started agreeably saying, "shoo" (sure) instead of her default blank stare in response to anything I ask her (whether "shoo" makes sense in the context or not is completely irrelevant). Or maybe because I didn't taste impending vomit for the first time ever on my not fun run today. Or maybe because there is a Butterfinger (king size) in the refrigerator c/o the hospital cafeteria that I'm totally going to eat before Simon gets home from work too many hours later than usual. Or maybe probably definitely it's because blogging royalty, Jen wrote theeee nicest post in the history of the internet about Camp Patton. I'm only a little bit worried that the blog is going to explode and die a happy death due to the insane glut of new traffic she sent over.

Julia, Sebastian, Simon, the ants, and my newfound strength to not faux-stress drink before noon ALL thank you.