After Simon came home from work, saw the few lone items I had purchased at the grocery store: Twizzlers, fruity drinks, and Rainbow Goldfish "for the kids", he declared that, "12-year-old Grace must've gone shopping today."
He then saw how alarmingly fast I was devouring the Twizzlers "so that Julia wouldn't see" and generously offered to take the kids on a walk so that I might do nothing in the warmth of blessed silence for a few minutes. When I went to get a fifth helping of dessert, I found this in place of the Twizzler bag ...
my future self thanked him (sugar crashes are among my prettiest moods) but my (then) current self strongly disliked him momentarily.
He then saw how alarmingly fast I was devouring the Twizzlers "so that Julia wouldn't see" and generously offered to take the kids on a walk so that I might do nothing in the warmth of blessed silence for a few minutes. When I went to get a fifth helping of dessert, I found this in place of the Twizzler bag ...
Haha. My husband is a master regulator/rationer.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I need some extra help, too.
ReplyDeleteThis is hysterical and so me and my hubs. Somehow have 2 packages of swiss cake rolls for dessert is cause for alarm. I don't get it.
ReplyDeleteI really love this. I mean, I don't looove this, but I giggled uncontrollably for a few minutes. My husband played the role of "Food Nazi" for a while yesterday so my upset stomach wouldn't backslide. All I wanted was a dang potato chip on the 4th of July... Nope, crackers. "Have you NEVER been sick? Do you not know that fruit salad and potato chips won't help?" Darn these men and their common sense.
ReplyDeleteSimon needs to come teach Aaron a thing or two about making sure his wife doesn't overdo it. He's really slacking in that dept. What am I paying him for anyway??
ReplyDeleteWhy they gotta be so reasonable???? Ugh. Bo-Ring.
ReplyDeleteNot this post (which was glorious) but reasonable men. In case there was any confusion...
DeleteOhhhhhhh! Hahahahahahaha! I am literally laughing out loud.
ReplyDeletehahaha! We both could have used that last night. Mike and I ate so much sour rope that we stayed up late snickering in bed like two little girls at a sleepover. I think we literally both fell asleep talking.
ReplyDelete"12 year old Grace must have gone shopping"... That cracked me up. Twizzlers are the best though. And they are a fat free food which OBVIOUSLY means I can eat the whole bag without guilt. Obviously.
ReplyDeletemy fav candy. ever.
ReplyDeleteHAHA! 'so julia wouldn't see' is AWESOME. Also, as I have said many times, Simon totally gets you.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog today (through Merrick's) and have spent many a jolly hour this evening reading through the archives. I'm fairly certain you are the future "me" when I become a mom. Love it! :)
ReplyDeleteOh.my.goodness! I just laughed out loud! My husband just left today for 10 days for the military and our upstairs airconditioning seems to be on the fritz. Of course, the first day he leaves. Never fails. I needed a good, genuine laugh! Thanks!!!
ReplyDeleteYou guys crack me up!
ReplyDeleteWow. This is my life. Even though our house is teeny, Ryan is always finding new hiding places for candy, lest I binge and then complain about it for the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteTwizzlers are waaaay better than Red Vines. The only reason I tried Red Vines was because of that SNL Jimmy Fallon skit about the Chronic-What!-cles of Nar-nee-a.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like Simon wrote you a prescription. I must go self-medicate with sugar now.
Even tho I read this four days, I find this post ever so deep and meaningful. As it is my life exactly. Usually I'm embarrassed when I eat a whole bag of Twizzlers, because I think it is so utterly immature and beneath me. But I guess I'm not the only one.
ReplyDelete