"En" Visits

Let me give you a little rundown of sweet Ann's (or if you are Julia Enunciate Patton you will call her "En" but only after you get over the fact that Ann was not Simon's sister-looks-nothing-like-Ann Elizabeth "biznes") visit from this weekend in case you are ever in the market to visit a five star nuthouse ... you'll want to know exactly what you are getting yourself into, I'm sure.

Will you be ushered over to see the symbolic Gateway to the West (the less cultured might know it as "the Arch")? Probably not.

But will we let you quietly couch sit with Sebastian-draws-blood-with-his-bites-Fatton for long periods of time while Julia sleeps off her pleasant temperament? Yes, of course.

Will we take you out for mediocre Mexican food and potent Margaritas? We will.

Will we take you out for mediocre Mexican food and potent Margaritas and cut the dinner super short when our normally-not-crying-like-a-baby BABY cries inexplicably all through boxing up dinner, quickly paying the bill, looking like harried stereotypical parents, and speed walking off the premises and into the car where said baby will scream allllll the way home? We absolutely will.

Will I drag you to Costco on a bustling Saturday morning to buy essentials like chicken nuggets and almond milk? Yes.

But will you be rewarded with endless samples and a fancy hot dog and coke combo meal? Yes and yes.

Will I take 90 minutes to make the most elementary pasta dish for dinner while you have the pleasure of stripping Sebastian down to his skivs after he has given himself a dry dirt bath (mouth, scalp, fingernails, toenails, knee cellulite, and ear canals included)? Totally.

baby got (serious) breast.

Will we take you to one of the gorgeous churches in Saint Louis for a nice Sunday Mass followed by a fancy restaurant for a fancy brunch? H no. 

Will we treat you to a 30 minute hospital Mass where you will be shackled to Sebastian and then offer you the finest in cafeteria donuts and machine made latte dining complete with roomy limo service for the ride home? H yes. 

And will we sit on our duffs while you take the heat and judgy looks from fellow park going parents while you watch our refined little angels play in and drink the filtered city water park water? You betcha. 

And finally ... will Simon direct you to pose in the most natural looking manner in the history of natural looking manners ("you should both touch the tree -- I think that would look the nicest") whilst being photographed with your hostess extraordinaire? He will.

Are those the only pants I own? Nope, just the only ones that fit. 

Will she be wanting to coming back for more fun ever again? What is it they say in politics when they know the answer is "no!" but they refuse to state the truth? 

Ah yes, yes, yes,  we are "cautiously optimistic".