You thought I was still in Saint Louis living the dream this week didn't you?
tricked you.
trick!
I decided that 7 hours in the confined space of a moving vehicle with the promise of a soft and hospitable landing was far more appealing than one more second of hell float. I loaded my little loons up along with enough sugary starch to keep their glucose levels at a minimum of a peppy 2 hundo into the van and hit the road.
the road.
The map app claimed when I left our house that the trip would take 6 hours and 25 minutes but after 60 minutes of navigating the labyrinth that was "the Cardinals are playing in the middle of the cursing day on a cursing Monday so we're going to shut down the necessary portions of the interstate" Hate Louis the map app (can we just say, "mapp"? thanks) claimed the trip would still take 6 hours and 25 minutes. What I'm trying to say is that things started off nice and smooth. Like cactus.
I'm sort of petrified for the drive back to Hate Lou tomorrow because the kids seemed to have been abducted and replaced by notGoops for the drive here. Only 2.7 meltdowns betwixt the three of us, two naps for Sebastian (!!!), no naps for Julia (obvi), and a miracle on I-80 because I should definitely definitely definitely have been pulled over and given a fatty speeding ticket but I'm guessing the minivan was rendered temporarily invisible by its lightning speed or maybe the po just didn't want to meet their maker for waking Sebastian if they insisted on pulling me and the slumbering angelface over.
And because Julia's newfound obsession is to "wash me handzz" and Sebastian longtime love is all things toilets, toilets, and toilets the one thing that almost stopped the trip in its tracks ("but how do I take the kids to the bathroom with my speck of a bladder?!") turned out to be the absolute highlight for my two little passengers.
Hand dryer. Julia's life will never be the same and I really hope St. Nick is taking notes.
Sebastian's mind being blown with a free range toilet all to himself. I couldn't quite fit the singing angels and the heavens parting into the shot but I assure you ... they were all there.
And here we are ... traveling in harmony and waiting for the female crowd in the gas station convenience store to clear after Julia megaphoned "poopies out!!!" from the handicap stall 67 times in a row while I held Sebastian back from making out with the lidless porcelain.
I've been enjoying daytime conversation with an adult, nighttime sleeping sans fear of predators, Sebastian harrassing the cutest little girl ever, and Julia fawning over the sweetest little boy.
I have big plans to hunt down Ana, her stubborn in utero baby, and hilarious ex utero babies later today. Look out.
Anyway, next time you see me I'll gladly answer to Joan of Road or Braveheart. Either one will do.
Or Apprentice to Professional Cell Photog. That too.
_P{} (little something extra from Sebastian. de nada)
tricked you.
trick!
I decided that 7 hours in the confined space of a moving vehicle with the promise of a soft and hospitable landing was far more appealing than one more second of hell float. I loaded my little loons up along with enough sugary starch to keep their glucose levels at a minimum of a peppy 2 hundo into the van and hit the road.
The map app claimed when I left our house that the trip would take 6 hours and 25 minutes but after 60 minutes of navigating the labyrinth that was "the Cardinals are playing in the middle of the cursing day on a cursing Monday so we're going to shut down the necessary portions of the interstate" Hate Louis the map app (can we just say, "mapp"? thanks) claimed the trip would still take 6 hours and 25 minutes. What I'm trying to say is that things started off nice and smooth. Like cactus.
I'm sort of petrified for the drive back to Hate Lou tomorrow because the kids seemed to have been abducted and replaced by notGoops for the drive here. Only 2.7 meltdowns betwixt the three of us, two naps for Sebastian (!!!), no naps for Julia (obvi), and a miracle on I-80 because I should definitely definitely definitely have been pulled over and given a fatty speeding ticket but I'm guessing the minivan was rendered temporarily invisible by its lightning speed or maybe the po just didn't want to meet their maker for waking Sebastian if they insisted on pulling me and the slumbering angelface over.
And because Julia's newfound obsession is to "wash me handzz" and Sebastian longtime love is all things toilets, toilets, and toilets the one thing that almost stopped the trip in its tracks ("but how do I take the kids to the bathroom with my speck of a bladder?!") turned out to be the absolute highlight for my two little passengers.
And here we are ... traveling in harmony and waiting for the female crowd in the gas station convenience store to clear after Julia megaphoned "poopies out!!!" from the handicap stall 67 times in a row while I held Sebastian back from making out with the lidless porcelain.
I have big plans to hunt down Ana, her stubborn in utero baby, and hilarious ex utero babies later today. Look out.
Anyway, next time you see me I'll gladly answer to Joan of Road or Braveheart. Either one will do.
_P{} (little something extra from Sebastian. de nada)
Lucky Ana!! Atlanta is only 8 or 9 VERY short hours from St. Louis..... you could totally do it!
ReplyDeleteAustin's next, right??
ReplyDeleteDuring "the season," I split for my parents' house in northwest Arkansas every chance I got--string of night shifts, bad nap afternoon, PMS, prefer to drive for hours vs. go grocery shopping, it's a perfect sunny day for driving, it's a perfect cloudy day for driving, it's a perfect approaching hail storm for driving. You name it. If you get lost in your neighboring state to the south, send out an SOS!
ReplyDeleteKids strapped in always makes for a better day. Strapping them in a car seat is far more socially acceptable to the alternatives!
DeleteTrue 'dat! I apply the "more socially acceptable to the alternatives" thing to marshmallows, too. A handful of puffy sugar clouds = at least 5 minutes of happy quiet in the midst of chaos! ;-) We do what we must.
DeleteThat was so super fun, sorry my girls were crazy there toward the end with no pants and all. Now I just want to set up another date for next week- I'll make it worth your while with more muffins.
ReplyDeleteSeriously planning a fall trip in my head for next year- this time bring Simon and we will do some serious tailgating.
Thanks again for the visit!
SO I heard that cops don't pull over mini-vans...or doctors who have their white coats in view in the window. I guess your fam is ticket proof ;)
ReplyDeleteDon't go back to St. Louie. Didn't you read JFul's post today on the Register? St.L is FULL of the STDs. Stay where you are until you can get safely to Connecticut.
ReplyDeleteHad to look at JFul's post...you are funny!
DeleteThe awe that I hold you in has reached an all time high. I have NEVER in my 8+ years of parenting attempted a solo road trip. I've been tempted but sanity has always returned and I changed my plans. But you're sane and you did it, maybe there's hope...
ReplyDelete"maybe the po just didn't want to meet their maker" HILARIOUS! LOVE IT! So glad that you got away for a little fun and better sleep!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny about travels that the little part of actually being on the road (or in the air) somehow makes it worth the while at the destination. Ummm... Actually, that is the point of getting away, right? :) Glad you are having a good time. :)
ReplyDeleteI was laughing out load reading this! My kids are much older now and more tolerable on road trips, but I remember that age and am amazed that you are doing that trip on your own. Good luck on the drive back:)
ReplyDeleteRaj
Pink Chai Style
That trip sounds like quite the undertaking. I can't even begin to imagine taking little ones on a road trip so you are MUCH braver than I.
ReplyDeleteYou braveheart man.
ReplyDeleteWait wait wait-- are you really in South Bend??!!
ReplyDeleteI don't make laughing out loud whilst on the computer a regular practice because I don't want the kids to know precisely where I am located but that comment about not being able to fit the angels and the parting of the heavens into the shot was one of the funniest things I have ever read. I loved the picture of him seeing that toilet and will be carrying it around with me in my noggin all day.
ReplyDeleteGrace, I'm freaking out right now--HOW do you know Alexandra and her two beautiful kiddos?? She's a friend of Ben and I's from ND! Just saw her at the MI game a few weeks ago. Wow wow wow world is small.
ReplyDeletethey always have great shoes! :)
ReplyDeleteWait, you did this BY YOURSELF? While pregnant? You are the bravest mom alive...safe travels home!
ReplyDelete