Simon Says

"Just ignore your mother. This is Costco not a photo op."


While out to eat and in response to my songs of praise for my balsamic Brussels sprouts, Simon the vegetable lover said, "what I'm hearing is, 'Julia's dirty diaper is REALLY tasty, I promise.'"

Kindly offering to go into Pea in the Pod while at the mall recently, Simon said "we can go to that one maternity store ...'the bean factory' if you'd like."

In the midst of a fun little morning when both kids woke up in particularly salty moods, Simon asked, "would you care for some Sutter Home for breakfast?"

On a particularly delightful car ride with Julia, Simon said, "I think we'd miss her ... if she left us ... after a few days."

After putting on an especially fancy outfit complete with tie and sport coat, Simon said, "I was wondering if you could tell me what it feels like to be married to a badass?"

While I was pouting about who knows what, Simon said, "if your name were Charlemagne I'd say "cheer up Charlie!"

After watching Julia climb the stairs to a freshly awakened Sebastian waiting in his crib and hearing her start crying in an inevitable response to being bitten, scratched or pinched, Simon said, "I don't feel sorry for her ... I told her not to go into The Cobra's Lair."

In an effort to not curse and use the old favorite that rhymes with 'shit list' but still trying to get his point across regarding Sebastian's ghastly church behavior, Simon said, "Sebastian, you're on my fecal scroll."