Simon Says

"Julia, that is your eleventh and final clementine of the night and Grace, don't you dare put that photo on Instagram."


While looking at a series of photos I took of the kids yesterday Simon said, "yep, the most photographed children on all of the internet."

Regarding the vlog Simon said, "I've just resigned myself to a life subjected to public ridicule via Camp Patton."

After patiently listening to my nitty gritty report of an especially pleasant day with the tyrants Simon said, "I really think you should form an unhealthy drinking habit after the baby is born."

In response to Julia pointing at his bare chest and saying, "boobie" Simon said, "actually, that is called a pectoralis."

In the middle of a detailed explanation of just how bad my lower back was hurting, Simon interrupted to say, "so you're saying that we are entering a Josephite period of the pregnancy?"

While Julia carried on in the bathroom about needing help taking care of business #2 Simon said, "I'm pretty sure that is a mother-daughter thing."

Trying to be diplomatic about his true feelings for the turkey and sweet potato tacos I made the other night Simon said, "let's just say if there were a Noah's Ark for types of tacos ... these might not be making the cut."

Defending the hideous flannel reindeer pajama pants that he likes to wear in his down time (that I stupidly gave him a few Christmases ago) after I voiced my opinion yet again on just how attractive I found them Simon said, "fine, I declare these to be my abstinent pants."