7 Quick Takes

Linking up with Jen over at Conversion Diary for Seven Quick Takes Friday.

1. Happy 14th Birthday to my youngest sister, Sarah!!

I was almost 16 when she was born so I'll let you do that math and know that I suddenly feel positively geriatric. Hopefully she'll give me an Instagram lesson in cool before I succumb to the shoes with the orthotic soles or heel springs.

2. I normally skim and delete the Zulily emails (link to an invite to join - ignore if you're already a member of the elite) but I noticed that several different styles of Kork-Ease boots and sandals are 55% off until Monday. That's like the price of a nice pair of Target heels ... not that Target heels are cheap these days but the Kork-Ease are so comfortable. Here's a pair I scored on eBay and if I ever find this pair for a steal/formerly loved - I'll smile WIDE. Enough about that.

3. Only the third take and I'm drawing a complete and total blank. I'll just be frank and admit that I'm trying really hard to have a betterish attitude about this call weekend but I'm having a really hard time.  Still lots of hours to turn that frown upside blah blah blah blah.

4. Oh, duh! The Bachelorette. I'm scared this is going to be my least loved season of all time. Des was handed a bunch of doofuses on a platter and I'm worried she won't find her prince charming and a happy ending to her Cinderella story. If Jones wasn't doing a brilliant job with her recaps (one so far but she has every iota of my good faith) I might be tempted to skip for the first time since Alex's inaugural season. Call me many things but do not call me undedicated to my quality programming.

5. I fit all of Julia's hair into a (singular) ponytail last night.

Look at us go. Next this mommy blogger is going to drone on about how she's really hoping the answer to her 5-month-old's sleeping through the night woes is rice cereal. She really, really hopes.

6. I really should take a cue from the smart bloggers that step away from the keyboard on the days they have nothing to say because this post is going nowhere at the speed of a bleepbulb.

7. When your boxes of diapers start coming with not so gentle potty training nudges ...

... via samples (that had Julia 50 shades of curious last night) you start to feel lots of emotions and "I'm not a total failure of a mother" is not one of them. I'll let you know when the deed is done in several months -- lest I jinx the past 15 hours of progress.


Go see Jen for less bleh.

Confessions

 Linking up with Ain't No Mom Jeans for How We Wear It: Cropped Pants

 

 (and if they kick my link out for being too crystal crisp ... so be it)

Scandal: I can't stop watching it. If you're the type to judge those based on the terrible TV shows they watch then you're going to have a FIELD day with me. The kids slept in until 8:30 (!!!!!!!!!!!!) the other morning and I could've done a lot of things (including but not limited to: shower, clean several rooms, shower again, clean more rooms, unpack from the trip we took 3.5 weeks ago, file my nails for the first time in my life, and more - I'm sure) but I just watched my show and told the gnawing guilt to please shut up. I even went so far as to sign up for Hulu+ because I'm positive that I'll finish the entire second season within the seven day trial period and can cancel. If you're children are in the market for role models you might want to send them my way.

Speaking of Screen Time: I have to admit that I wish the boys were a little more enchanted with it. If Julia could just give some of her utter obsession with the laptop to her brothers I think we'd be all set. Julia sleeps HOURS more than the boys and sometimes it's 5:12 in the am and I wish that both Theo + Bash (early risers extraordinaire) would be content with the company of Mr. Baby Einstein for just a few minutes while I rested my eyelids on my eyeballs. Again, role modeling agency up in this crib.

Run/Walk: I skipped it today and did 25 jumping jacks instead. Same difference, I'm sure. Remember when people said same difference? Those were the days - along with NOT, RANDOM, HOOKING UP (well, maybe people still say that and I'm 93), FINE (in reference to looks), and COOL BEANS (maybe the worst).

I started this post four hours ago: thanks Theo.

I cleaned: I shook out the rug in Julia's room and swept underneath two weeks in a row and now I'm wondering if I should apply for a new identity but I'm not sure I have time because I spend all my hours wandering into her quarters and admiring my cleanlywork.

I thought: Julia was turning the 'doesn't look like a boy anymore' corner with her earlobe length hair but last night Simon was unloading the kids from the car and a lady walking by remarked, "three boys, eh?"

yep.

(Simon dressed her feet and not that she's oozing femininity but still)
(Sebastian was just throwing his routine bedtime funtrum)

Reading: I went on a real reading bender several weeks ago and read two whole books but as soon as I'm finished littering my nog with Scandal I'm going to be all over this Ultimate Beach Reading Guide. All over it. I especially appreciate the Bestsellers, Easy-Reading Novels, and Gorgeous Novels sections. I'll keep you posted as I read - I never don't.

And: Sir Sebastian would like to confess that his new favorite trick is to insist (non-verbal grunt style) on wearing Julia's clothes and only Julia's clothes from head to toe even if it means slowly p-o-u-r-i-n-g his thunders into her jorts because he knows she'll freak. He learned from the best: his nemesisister.

Dinner: I made it last night and it didn't involve anything frozen or defrosted or from the hospital cafeteria (fine, it was spaghetti and I used the most delicious sauce that sweet Mary sent but I was holding Theo the entire time so basically Top Chef me) and I think Simon genuinely thanked me 88 separate times which is only indicative of what a rarity non-defrosted dinner is in this kitchen bum's lair. Maybe I'll do it again soon.

Sunday Best: I was/am thinking of joining the ranks of Sunday link-ups where we can all showcase our Sunday finery but with an added element - you can make me feel better about my children's behavior with mass report cards of your own for your kidlets but I'm not quite sure yet. This isn't to beg for comment commitment but just keeping you in the transparent know.


And with all of that heavy uplifting ... I'll leave you, undoubtedly smiling.

Simon Says

After seeing this photo on Instagram ...

Simon said, "in the future, I'd appreciate if you got my permission before you post demeaning pictures of me on the internet."


After reading the post about his car accident, Simon said, "I guess I was just hoping you'd talk more about the fact that I was THE VICTIM of a hit and run."

After a little bit of a depressing chat about the reality of this year's upcoming call schedule (that I was super thrilled about) Simon tried to lighten the mood and said, "my glass is always half full of the fountain of life and yours is generally 1/4 full of poison and shards of glass."

After a call weekend:
Simon: that was a LONG weekend
Grace: I know
Simon: (ballading to the tune of It Must Have Been Love) But it's OVER NAW

During a particularly fun evening of consecutive and multiple tantrums c/o our toddlers Simon admitted, "it's official. Small children are the worst."

After seeing yet another headline about Angelina's brave decision Simon said, "I'll be impressed when she cuts off her nose."

Crawling into our little tiny glorified double of a bed that he has to sleep in diagonally, Simon said, "it's no wonder we have three kids under three - we just can't help but bump into each other."

the grands

I just wrote this post in an email addressed to no one and was confused when the bazillion pictures didn't show up when I attached them. The kids are successfully melting my brain. I know ... cRaZyYyyYyy gRaCe ... doing bizarre things like writing blog posts in emails to no one. What's next? Confusing the kid's names?! Wouldn't that be something else ...

Anyway ... after Simon got off work on Saturday (marking the end of this bear of a rotation for one month until it starts back up again for five more weeks - yee to the haw haw haw) we popped into the van (and by popped you know I mean we loaded the 99 tons of nonsense into the car, delicately asked Julia which one of her blankets she wanted to take on the trip, and ran back in for just one more thing eight more times) and made our way to Illinois. I was driving (my favorite part about car trips .. "my hands are tied, kids!") and we were at the always pleasant point in the journey when everyone has had it with everyone and is hungry and tired and hungry when this went down ...

Simon: this is your exit
Grace: I know I know, (laugh) how many times have we made this trip?
Simon:
Grace: (misses exit)
Simon: Great.

Whatever. I totally saved the day by using one of those not for unofficial use only for the pole-eese crossovers to turn our ship around. Don't tell. 

We had a wonderful time with our grandparents and I did a not-wonderful job of documenting everything which is fine but let me throw you what I do have ...

It's a wonder the kids don't throw a week long tantrum (oh, wait.) when we return from GG's house because they are treated like proper royalty the entire time. TV shows accompanying the impressive spread of their favorite foods, plush carpet, sparkling living quarters, ice cream, living plants to taste, knick knacks to destroy, and a "huge big giant huge giant" bath tub.

Julia lost it when she realized that we were almost home to our house on Monday and hadn't just taken a 4.5 hour drive around GG's neighborhood. No offense taken, J.

 Because anyone that confuses my grandma's sweet little dog Ollie (may he rest in peace)

for a dangerous safari beast just might not have it all together. Call me crazy.

Sunday Best

Linking up with Fine Linen and Purple for What I Wore Sunday on Tuesday.

I think Simon's exact words were, "don't you feel ridiculous taking these photos?" and my answer was "girl, you know it's true**" but here I be, anyway. If ever my haircutting skills were to be showcased - these are the photos I would use. I think my next Google/YouTube search will be "make ends not so choppy and homemade haircutty" which should solicit some great e-help.

Anyway, we were up in the quad cities from Saturday-Monday and I have that awful vacation hangover complete with more laundry than five people should ever produce in a month - let alone 2.5 days, the sad realization that our house will never be as clean as my grandma's, we are REALLY low on big kid diapers, Simon is working this weekend, and the weather in St. Louis is officially dead to me with no chance for redemption - ever. Oh, I just noticed it stopped raining so maybe a glimmer but ---- just a glimmito.

Back to Simon's exact question. Yes, I feel ridiculous but if I didn't have him take these driveway photos - how would I know exactly how poor my outfit judgement was? Exactly! I wouldn't and I might repeat offend with this atrocity. I want to be able to pull off the blazer but I don't know if my B R O A D shoulders will let me and the pants are an ugly marriage of first grade rolled uniform pants (sans scrunched socks) and the harem pant trend that some people can totally rock but I can totally not.

We went to Mass at the Cathedral where both my parents and Simon's parents were married which is always neat. (I'm sure 99% of you know by now that our moms went to high school together ...  I need to retype and repost the story in its entirety someday v. v. soon.) Simon's mom and sister Elizabeth were there and I'm wondering if they'd mind driving from Wichita and Denver every Sunday to help with our little heathens?  Sebastian was still terrible but it was one of the "please be seated for announcements" at the end of Mass Sundays that drive me to drag out the inner silent scream of "NOOOoOOooOOooOOooooooOOoooooOoOoO!!!!!" as I watch the kids melt into utter and complete puddles so really, he couldn't be blamed for the last eight unnecessary minutes.

the getup:
shoes: c/o Blowfish
pants: Forever XXI (see them in action holding 36 weeks of Theodore niiiice and tight)
top: Old Navy
blazer: Gap (from sweet Caroline)

behavior: 
Julia: B+ not awful but she insists on sitting on the kneeler and only the kneeler and I always cave
Bash: D+ Simon had to take him out and he broke my necklace so and the girl in front of him fed him her Cheerios which he promptly sucked on and handed right back to her - why does he not get an F? I'm feeling generous.
Theo: A+ he'll turn on me soon, I'm sure.


**I quadruple dog dare you not to d-d-d-dance.

7 Quick Takes

Linking up with Jen over at Conversion Diary!

1. Last Sunday evening some sweet gals (Hi Jennifer and Lisa - if you're reading which you might not be!!) from Catholic St. Louis came by to discuss an upcoming article and take some pictures. I say 'take some pictures' like it was no big dill but the big kids went into stubborn stray cat mode and I hope Lisa wins some sort of photography award for any pictures that she successfully snapped with both of the big kids in the frame along with the feline parents not looking irritated with their young. Reporter Jennifer has been given full permission to interview a different family that has their act more together than we ever will after enjoying some time in our fun house because ... you know us. I'm getting to my point. Simon said I should go "buy some scones or something" for their visit and so during naps I trotted off to Trader Josés in search of something sconey. No scones but I bought these insane little sea salt brownie bite petites. I know I KNOW the sea salt thing is getting old but these were ridiculous. They were so good. I refuse to take the kids to TJ's but I wanted to eat 15 more so I did 4 seconds of Googling and found this recipe. I finally got around to making them last night with Julia and -- not AS ridiculous as the real thing but still really good. I think I baked them for one minute too long and MAYBE slightly oversalted which I didn't think was a possibility. Anyway ... there's that. Also, the chicken and cilantro wontons in the freezer section ... so great.

2. That transitions not nicely into the current exercise situation. The ONE upside of Simon working late late late every night is that I have virtually no excuse not to take the kids on a walk/run. I'm back on the Couch to 5K train with a 5K not being the goal but just to be able to run my entire 18 minute route. I just really like week one's "run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds, repeat" routine and I think I'll go ahead and do two week ones. Or maybe three. I'm alternating Jillian and the Barre Method DVD during nap times and undoing all my toil with quick take number one.

3. We went to visit Simon on Saturday night while he was on call and while we were outside Julia was running and fell flat on her face. Her face was fine but her knees took a bit of a hit.

(Simon took a picture before she saw the wreckage and we still thought mayyyybe we could salvage the visit. We thought wrong. We thought very very wrong.)

I'm pretty sure she confused bloody knees with leg amputations because the drive home was nothing short of everything my nightmares are made of with her (understandable but very dramatic - Sebastian didn't blink once) screams. Six days later she still totally freaks at the sight of the scabs and so baths (well - I avoided baths because I know Julia but then her filthy hair convinced me otherwise) and wardrobe changes have been real delights. Also, Theo gave her his cough thing and so she's just been Julia with an extra helping of Juliar this week. You can catch the tail end of what I'm talking about via Vimeo clip right here with the whine + whine + whine.

4. Mrs. Meyers (inspired by a mother of nine! love)

kindly sent us some cleaning supplies from their new spring line back in March. The scent was radish and I was super skeptical because I hate cleaning and I really hate radishes. They didn't ask that I even mention anything on the blog unless I felt compelled to do so but the other night completely unsolicited while he was washing dishes Simon said, "this stuff smells really good and I would actually voluntarily go out and buy more when this runs out." He said it and he meant it. I love the scent too and have been using the all-purpose cleaner to mop the floors and our tables and the pleather couch (twice in two weeks but the first time since before Theo was born - I know). Anyway - if you're in the market for some new dish soap or cleaning stuffs and are anti-chemical (I'm not but this stuff works really great) ... I recommend.

5. Some links!!

Ashley wrote a stellar post about a serious topic and still managed to make me audibly laugh. She can write no wrong. Thank goodness the Bachelorette is firing up again on Monday (that I get to watch with non-blogging friend Tami in real time and I'm an unhealthy level of night before Christmas ecstatic about it all) because Jones never ever disappoints with a good recap.

Iris asked that I tell you about her new Simple Saturday link up going on .... check it. And her FAQ page cracked me up. Right up.

I found this sweet blog recently (click over if only to see a shot of her wedding dress!) ... I love reading blogs of teachers because I was such a fantastically terrible suck of a teacher ... I am kind of in awe of them.

Kate retired her teaching hat recently but I love her blog and I wish she would PLEASE blog daily - if not hourly. 

Oh! Mary's wedding pics ... most stunning bride ever.

Any new-to-you blogs you want to give up to selfish me?

6. I'd never understood people complaining about their "full email inboxes" until recently and this is NOT a complaint but an apology if you emailed me regarding the martyr complex post. I wish I could just lock myself in a room and reply with long and thoughtful emails but I have children and sometimes I let the laundry get so backed up that they actually have no clean clothes left to wear and time management has always been a strong suit of mine. Thank you! if you emailed ... and I'm really sorry if I haven't responded YET. I was blown away by all the solidarity and am a lucky writer of the written whine.

7. And in case you were worried about the sound machine situation of yesterday -- worry no more. Simon came home and got Sebastian dressed ...

{our definitions of "those pants don't fit him anymore" vary slightly}

and took him to B-cubed to pick up my little savior. We put the kids to bed at 10pm like idiots and that panned out very, very beautifully this morning, as you can imagine. Anyway - all's well with the sound machine. Sorry about that rantnasty.


Go see Jen for more more more.

and I hope you have a weirdly harmonious weekend.

rage against the [sound] machine

I think I've talked about our um ... unhealthy dependency on sound machines around here? We travel with them and sleep with them and love them like our 4th, 5th, and 6th children because they are an important part of the sleep equation up in here, up in here.

The kids are supposed to be napping right now and they are BUT Sebastian's sound machine is on its last leg and it keeps turning off and waking him so I have to go hit it just so and let out 5 consecutive exasperated sighs JUST so and then place it delicately one foot from his crib and two feet from the window and unplug it and plug it back in and then do a little dance ... make a little love ... and THEN the ocean comes waving back to life. And after all of that I have to beg poor Bash to PLEASE go back to sleep which he kindly does and then the stupid waves cease to crash all over again and I don't know if I have any hair left to pull out because this week!!! This week is ... it's a something. Something not good.

I've read SO many insightful and wonderful blog posts lately and I'm like, "wow! the readers of this post are better people for having read it and are really going to take something great away from this great post!" and I am not a writer of such posts because if you've read .75 of a post on this bliggity bloggle then you'll know that I mostly just complain. Sometimes I think I should stop but then yesterday's water heater fiasco from hell happens and after being on hold for 45 minutes I dramatically ask the customer service b (who refuses to send a plumber for 24 hours because of a really brilliant policy of some sort) how I'm supposed to feed the child that is dependent on formula + water? Am I supposed to magically start lactating again?! (a finer moment of Grace's that I truly hope the blessed b treasured), or a sound machine drops an atomic on the little chunk of daily quiet, or Simon texts after 5pm that he is just now seeing the patient scheduled for 2pm aaaaand my good attitude that I woke up with and vowed to cling to ... it has a short little rope that frays and disappears embarrassingly easily.

I keep reminding myself that Simon won't always be on this unbelievable rotation that has him scrubbing for surgeries scheduled for 2pm at 6pm which gets him home at youcanimaginepm. I just really hope he gets off before Bed Bath and Beyond closes tonight so he can go buy our fourth sound machine/7th child to replace this faulty jerk. The carts at that place are like the carts at Whole Foods and they are naw-ha-ha-ha-at built with cart sitting children in mind and I'm not in the mood for Destination: Adventureland, Population: three children all incapable of walking at a normal pace in public and one mom with a single strand of hair left on her head. I'm just not. Call me crazy - definitely, not maybe. I don't know why I'm bringing Carly Rae into this ... she's never done anything to me. I'm sorry.


Cleansing breath that does nothing. 


Let me just get these things off my fingerpads and then I'll stop:

+ I added a can of salmon (who has that in their pantry? this idiot) to the kids (organic!!!) macaroni thinking I was being one of those sneaky moms that adds pureed healthy to stuff and kids eat it right up with big smiles and NO. It was maybe my biggest culinary regret to date which is ... a FEAT.

+ Sebastian presented me with a diaper situation this morning that forced me to first remove both my wedding and engagement rings before I dug in. Again with the feating.

+ All I want to do right now is rekindle my abusive relationship with Jillian while watching my new terribly guilty pleasure that is Scandal (is Kerry Washington not the prettiest? She is) or the Bachelor's Funniest Moments but I thought typing about my feelings would be cathartic because I'm self-involved like dat.

+ Netflix did away with a lot of kids shows and Dora was one of them. This adversely affects my life WAY more than I'll ever admit and whatever dumbo made that decision better hope he/she never has a brush with Grace. That would be a threat, yes.


Ummm ... good things?

I did Julia's hair and now I call her Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm and she just looks at me like -- you've FINALLY lost it completely, haven't you? I'm sure she pulled it out before she went to sleep and she'll make Medusa's mane look tame but it was nice (and sunny! laugh) while it lasted.

This is totally going to bite me in the bottom because you know that unwritten rule when you brag about your baby sleeping through the night/being potty trained/never getting sick/talking at 6 months/etc and then 3 seconds later they regress on said brag? That will happen here probably but Bash has been all up in Theo's grill lately and Theo is the nicest sport about the aggressive affection. Maybe because Simon hasn't been home to wrestle but Sebastian just can't help himself and just plops himself on Theo's little lap whenever he pleases and my don't they have similar coloring?

Okay this stuff isn't great but the mini bottles get me every time and it's way better than the cans of Coors Light sitting ugly in the fridge. Kristin claims the Skinnygirl Cosmos are better which I intend on trying riddy riddy soon.

Moral of the post? Everything is going to be fine come mid-August when Simon starts a decentish rotation. Hold on tight until then. Thanks a trill.

Open To Interpretation

It's time for another round of Open To Interpretation! This week was Kayla's pick ...

via Gap

And here's my interpretation ...

This is one of those posts (and there are MANY in the archives) that I'll regret in a few hours ... I can feel it. 

These pictures were taking yesterday BC - before crisis. I'm typing this as I'm on hold with the "emergency" home warranty line. We have a serious water heater burst pipe/basement ruining situation going on right this second but apparently the situation is not serious enough as my expected wait time (on the emergency line) is between 10-15 minutes. Simon is in surgery after surgery after surgery today so I figured out how to shut off the water right after I noticed my bare foot was tracking blood all over the house due to a shard of glass from the 80 year old shattered bathroom doorknob that fell on the floor but not before I rationed any water to make a bottle or 14 for Theo. Let's hope he takes kindly to the, "your call is important to us" automated purr of a lie that I've heard 34 times in a row in the past 13 minutes.

Our initial unhelpful conversation went something like this:

Grace: (freaking) there is water everywhere flood insanity life ruining need help stat maybe I should've called 9-1-1????
Customer Service Rep: Okay what I'm hearing is that maybe I should try to mark this down as maybe potentially urgent
Grace: (freakinger) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And now I'm off to spend some quality time with a wet vac and hope that the "emergency" response time of "within a 24 hour period" is a generous joke of an estimation because there are only so many curses in the book. Thanks for putting up with me -- you readers are the absolute best, always.


For less crazy frantic posts head on over to see Erica and Kayla ...

Conversations with Julia

While driving in the car:
Julia: Bash is a cookie monster, I'm a snuggle bug, and baby Theo is a big ugly giant

While driving in the car again and an Of Monsters and Men song came on:
Julia: Is this Cracklemore?
Grace: No but that's a good guess
Julia: I know

Watching me do her hair in the mirror:
Julia: (sigh) I are SO pretty. 
Grace: 
Julia: I not want piggy tails in my hair
Grace: okay
Julia just want some veggie tails

On one bizarre night that I made a full blown meal and Simon was home:
Grace: Julia, please go upstairs and tell Daddy dinner is ready.
Julia: (not moving) Sime!!!!!! Come get your food.

Simon asked his anti-social hermit wife to ask the neighbor to bring in our trash can while we were out of town so I took Julia with me and knocked on the door:
Grace: I kind of hope they aren't home.
Julia: just don't worry! it will be just okay!

While watching me fold laundry she picked up a pair Simon's boxers:
Julia: Oh, this is where daddy does his potty training?

A frequent exclamation when we pull into the hospital parking lot:
Julia: Wook! Dis is where Daddy lives.

No matter how many times I correct her:
Grace: Have you seen my flip flops?
Julia: hmmm no I not seen your clip clops

Saying goodnight recently ...
Simon: I love you, Julia
Julia: I wove you too, Daddy
Grace: I love you, Julia
Julia: sanks
Grace:

Whenever she wants something I'm eating:
Julia: please!! please!! please!! please!! please!! please!! please!! please!!
Grace: You only need to say please once
Julia: please once

or

Julia: please!! please!! please!! please!! please!! please!! please!! please!!
Grace: You only need to say one please
Julia: one please

Watching me drink soda out of a can
Julia: can I have a sip of your wine?

After witnessing an ambulance speed by with sirens blaring and lights flashing on the interstate:
Julia: Whoa, whats da rush?!

Playing with Simon's work badge:
Julia: is this daddy's bitch?
Grace: um, yes that is his badge
Julia: yeah, his bitch.

and bonus! Bash version ...

Grace: Sebastian, do you want some food?
Sebastian: no!

Grace: Bash, do you want to come read a book?
Sebastian: no!

Grace: Bash, do you love Mommy?
Sebastian: no!

Julia finds Sebastian crying about something senseless: 

Julia: Bash, are you crazy?!

Bash: no.

Randomly:
Julia: (fake laughing) oh, BASH! Are you kidding me?!
Sebastian:
Julia: (still fake laughing) Are you? Are you kidding me, Bash?!
Sebastian:
Julia: (more fake laughing) Bash! Are you KIDDING ME?!
Sebastian: no!
Julia: (done laughing) okay.

What I Wore Sunday

Linking up with Fine Linen and Purple. 

1. blah
2. blah blah


The flowers chose to be in focus which is just great because you know those outfits you think are good decisions but then see a photo and suddenly feel the need to reevaulate your entire life? Never drastic around here.

We need to pull it together with the Mass situation because we are just a big mess of tardy lately. We were late for our favorite 30 minute hospital Mass yet again. Simon needed a 12 minute nap after getting home from work because you know that Simon and his selfish ways and I need to take a class on getting kids dressed because you'd think I was dressing greased pork with my 18-minute-per-child wrestles. We sat in the back BACK for the first time ever because the back pews were taken. Sebastian assumed no pew meant creative freedom on the reverence front which was no reverential behavior at all. Same back arching, run awaying, kick moms shins when she dares to pick me upping story. It's all very interesting and I'm sure you love yawn reading about yawn adventures with a toddler boy yawn at Mass. We're special and we know it. Clapping hands.

I altered these pants last summer when I was about 14 weeks along (and looking super thrilled and awake and refreshed!) with Theo and I'm still having trouble zipping the side zipper so they might live to see the Goodwill pile because no one needs side zipper parachute pant stress in their life. At least that's my mantra for today.

the stuffs:
pants: Old Navy Clearance
shirt: H&M (one of those new fangled hi-low shirts that I'm too geriatric to pull off so tucked it went)
(pentacostpropriate!)necklace: made by Kris
glasses: Firmoo*
shoes: 99 years old from Target

behavior report card:
Julia: B+ aside from the vocal revelation that "Jesus is nakey!!!"
Bash: F ... always
Theo: A ... please never grow up to be like your less mature brother

*this is my second pair of glasses from Firmoo and they are my new favorite pair. They are still offering their first pair free promo so ... get on it. And even if you don't ... these puppies cost a mere $36 with the prescription lenses. They have the fancy shmance virtual try-on feature but I especially loved that you can look at pictures of multiple people wearing the different frames to get an idea of how different pairs look on different face shapes. You know? You do. 

She Thought She Could So She Did

I don't even know if I'm quoting that right but you know what doesn't inspire me? Inspirational quotes. Same goes for motivational quotes and motivati- you get it. Maybe ... "the mom that doesn't lose her shit over the eleventieth toddler fight of the day is a goddess" or something along the lines of, "dream smaller" or, "dream less" or, "make today ordinary" would get me all bright eyed and looking far off into the sunsetty distance of potential but the usuals ... they tend to do little. That's a lie - they do nothing. There was a huge mural on an empty storefront in a mall in New Orleans that said something about letting our setbacks and not our successes define us (novel) -- right there in between J.Crew and Anthropologie and Starbucks ... so contextual. It made me smile. What?

Anyway ... all that to say that I decided I wanted to get my hair cut like this but I couldn't find an appointment on super short notice during a time that Simon would be home and before the weekend of the zillion hour shift began and I didn't want to wait. So I watched 1.5 hair cutting tutorials on YouTube, found a pair of dull scissors and the little tiny comb they sent home from the hospital with Theo, hid in the downstairs bathroom and went to town. Following the first tutorial's instructions (flip your hair over -- put it in a ponytail and just snip off the end of the ponytail) left me with my hair looking like spaghetti noodles falling out of the bag -- jagged. By this time Sebastian had found me so I had to run and hide in his room (tripling as the guest room and the room where I keep my clothing) to keep going but Julia came and gawked so I then had to lock myself in the normal bathroom and finish it up. Anyway, I used this method and while I wanted kind of a super long (and safe) bob ... this is what we ended up with ...

 

Not fair because obviously the before is wet and flat and the after is curled and helped with a cardigan. I'm not saying I'll never hit up a salon again but it saved a head of lettuce and who really cares? It's not "just hair" but it is. If you hate it ... say so only using your inside your head voice.

To see a WAY cuter chops ... go see Dorian and Jessie and even though I didn't get it together enough to pound out some takes today go read Jen's and beg her to write that memoir.



Have an inspiring weekend.
Or don't.

those best laid plans

I was just innocently sitting here doing what I do (parent - the verb) during that ever-awesome post nap but still before Dad comes home fuh-hun time of day. Sebastian isn't drunk but you'd think he was the way he's tried and tried and tried and TRIED to put my flip flops on my feet over and over and over and over and OVER again. Julia has gone back to bed 17 times since she woke up 18 minutes ago (my choice, not the dictator's) and Theo is almost rolling over to not completion like he tends to do when he's not finger gnawing or formula chugging or napping.

(not roller not pictured, obviously)

I was being my abnormally optimistic self and thinking that Simon might get home within the hour when he let me know via stealth text from clinic he still has nine patients to see in clinic. I think every patient gets 30 minutes? I don't really know and I'll maintain my optimistic outlook for 6 more minutes before I turn back into a pissy pumpkin. Anyway, I read the text nine more times just for fun and waited for an emoticon of the joking variety (something Simon has never sent but ... fat ladies flying and singing pigs and all jat zazz). Nomoticon thus far so naturally my response has been that of a mature toddler ...

Mmmm ... a little more of a brow furrow because I have worry lines to maintain but ... you get the general photograph.

Am I complaining? No no no no ... it's more of a sireny whine which is centuries more annoying. Actually, you know what? Allow me to craft a visual ...

There. And official.

Bash is coping by shoving Simon's toothbrush down his pants (really hope it's outer diaper rather than the alternative) and Julia's trying to force his fat hooves into her flower girl shoes while begging to watch a show on "duh compyoodah" (a request you better believe I'm going to indulge) and I am now typing with one hand - thank you sweet Theo in my other hand. Run-on nothing.

(I didn't have any plans and I vacillate between thinking it's better knowing or not knowing that it's going to be a late night with just the kids but today I think it would've been better to know? I'm a planner but not a doer which makes for a super great personality. I maybe would've at least planned to go on a destinationless drive? Again planning and doing .... different animals)

Smiles for all.

YESTERDAY

Full disclosure: Wendy's asked if I'd be interested in trying their new Frosty Waffle Cones and writing about it (first I made sure that hadn't mistyped an email address because .....) so technically this is a sponsored post but I solemnly swear that I would've blogged about yesterday anyway (you know me) and it was only a matter of time before we tried the cones because we love a good drive-thru. Also ... spoiler alert: Simon is fine.

I was basking in the insanely sweet glow of ALL of your kind comments on yesterday's post when Simon let me know that he'd be home earlier than anticipated. Good things to happen to whiny wives, apparently. We thought he was going to have to stay for an add-on case but it ended up being something that a general surgeon would need to handle so ... Cha-ching for us. I had my act super together and had sauteed some vegetables to throw onto the frozen pizza I was going to slave over for dinner when Simon called on his way home. We were chatting about getting ice cream with the kids after Dinner Gourmet when Simon said there was a ton of traffic and then I heard a crash and the phone went dead. I only had .3 seconds to freak before Sebastian ran up with a huge smile and a drippy, bloody nose. While I cleaned him up I told myself that maybe just maybe Simon had merely dropped the phone before I washed my hands and called him back.

He didn't answer but called back right away perfectly fine and cursing the sweetheart that had just hit him hard and caused him to hit the (nice brand new!) car in front of him and sped off. He couldn't open his door to get out and lamented that he had left his license at the hospital. Cha-ching for no one.

He eventually made it home ....

 

"who broke Simon's car?"

The back looks even prettier. 

He is totally fine (most importantly) and the officer was super nice (not happy about it!) to not give him a ticket for riding dirty sans license.  The kids and I had already wolfed down half the pizza waiting for him to come dragging bumper/burning rubber home so he ate his dinner while telling me how optimistic the cop sounded about finding Mr. Hit and Run. I had (stupidly) told Julia that we were going to get ice cream that night and you don't tell a Julia you're doing to do something fun and not do it unless you want to suffer the wrath of the eternal whine. Simon generously watched the boys (one of whom was throwing a beast of a "NO!!!" tantrum and I'll let you guess who that was) while Julia and I enjoyed a nice quiet drive to the Wendy's drive-thru. 

Simon is a huge fan of Frosties (and I don't hate them, unfortunately) and I ordered two Frosty Waffle Cones and the gentleman of an employee was really nice about my annoying, "ooo, um -- uh -- do you think you could put a little less frosty in one of them so my toddler can hold it on the way home?" request. Yes I am that annoying customer. Always.

(why I thought goth nails would be appropriate for Mary's wedding is a mystery I'll never solve)

I would never ever say that Julia or Sebastian are deprived children but they've never had ice cream in a cone and I'm scared we have some new little addicts on our hands ...

... and I don't blame them. These are good. Really good. 

Heaven forbid the most selfish parents in the world sneak a taste ...

"I just need to streatch it!!"

Did Wendy's save the night? Of course not. But our little 12 minute timeout did a world of good for our moods and attitudes yestereve. The car is still a mess but Simon was able to clip off some flappy pieces and screw the other flappy pieces to the body of the car and he can get in and out of the passenger side door for the time being. 

Our neighbors who are expecting their first baby walked by as Simon was performing the Jetta's operation and Julia gladly yell-told them all about the Jesus (rosary) around her neck, Sebastian came thisclose to biting their dog, and Theo spit up 3 times in a row all over my pants and shoes while we were chatting. I'm sure we made them even more excited for their September due date. 

Did you make it through? I've heard tales some people like dipping fries in their Frosty and um ..... I'm not a total food prude but I don't know .... has anyone dared to do such a thing? Thanks in advance for yaying or naying that potential disaster.

And MANY thanks to Wendy's for making our day a little bit messier and a lot a bit sweeter (I almost went with Frostier but ... you were spared).

The Martyr Complex

... mine specifically.


Oh, I know lots of moms and dads had to work on Mother's Day and so many families have it worse and I'm lucky (not an ounce of sarcasm there - swear) to stay at home with the kids. I know I am. This is a stupid little blog - not a count-my-blessings, look-at-me-not-struggle, ode-to-smiles bestseller and I've been feeling really cuticle chewy/cautious when I've posted lately thanks to some super sweet (do you hear that sarcasm siren? it's loud) comments on some recent posts but blog reading is always optional - no forced reading here. Click out at will.

I think two people have asked that I write a post about residency -- maybe one person -- maybe none persons. To be perfectly candid - I think a picture of both of my middle fingers or maybe just one big caps locked expletive would accurately portray my exact sentiment toward residency but ... things are sort of family friendly around here so ... I'll refrain. Also, to be fair, I am writing this in the midst of a bad rotation. They're not always bad rotations but there are always call weekends no matter how great the rotation. And you know the kind of cold where you have to sleep sitting up because you're so congested and every sneeze warrants everyone to duck and cover under an umber-ella Rihanna style?

He's got it and he's got it bad. So we're not sleeping a lot and an extra set of parent hands would be great right now but .... schmesidency.

Simon walked out at 6:40 Sunday morning and the exact second the door shut all three formerly slumbering kids started crying. He would be back home in 11 hours which was 14 hours sooner than the Friday morning - > Saturday morning shift but that cheery fact didn't stop me from laying in bed fighting back my own tears while the wails quickly crescendoed to screams. Eventually, I hopped out of bed, prioritized who got my divided attention first, and hello new day.

I remember one of the veteran wives telling us at the kick-off picnic intern year that, "residency wasn't as bad as she'd expected." In retrospect I should've asked what she was smoking and where I could get some because Mother's Day 2013 was not fun. Christmas of 2011 was terrible. Thanksgiving of 2012 was depressing. Valentine's Day of 2012 was disappointing. Memorial day weekend of 2012 was miserable. Labor day of 2011 was ... you get it! Stop with the gratitude and uplifting, Grace!! I know, but I promise it does my heart good to read about that vommy Christmas because I know all Christmases from here on out can't be worse. Chin up.

Simon always leaves before the kids wake up and this morning I found Julia under the covers of our bed crying because she couldn't find her Simon. The odds of him being back before they go to bed tonight are skinny just like they were last night and I'm scared to ask about the rest of the week's surgery schedule because we're facing yet another call weekend in four long days. The kids are still really little and Julia forgets when I lie that he'll be home for dinner but I'd imagine that trick will stop working soon.

I'm not trying to paint a sympathy-inducing picture but I think it's important to give myself permission to admit that it's really hard on me. It's hard on Simon. It's hard on our marriage. It's hard on us as a family. I fall into the woe is ONLY me trap more often than I should but then Simon comes home and the kids are ecstatic and all is mostly forgotten for the moment.

Until he crashes and Julia doesn't like when people sleep because, like her mother, she's a raging sweetheart.

I know some residencies might be worse than Simon's. More call weekends? More night float months? Fewer emergency c-sections on the nights I'd made a "nicer" meal but more/different types of emergencies that take longer than 90 minutes? Yes, yes, and yes, I'm sure. Just let me think that we've got it the worst of all the residencies for one post. We don't - but I like to pretend.

When Sebastian was born I waited for several hours for Simon to take me home after I'd been discharged because he was working up a patient one floor above me. Don't think that kind of irony is lost on me and yes, I should probably get over that one of these days.

I love taking the kids to visit Simon but I think we've been stung so many times with stat pages, unforeseen emergencies, and just the nature of the medicine beast that after getting the kids dressed and in the car and almost to the hospital or not even out of the driveway only to hear that it won't work out but maybe later -- the visits are becoming fewer and far between because I guess I'm less of a risk taker than I used to be.

We're seven weeks away from the halfway point - two years down and two years to go. I wish that fact was far more encouraging than it is depressing but we'll get there. We will. And not that I'll ever need reminding but I'll look back on posts like these and say, "well, that was really bleeping awful but now it's finally bleeping over."

Forever and ever. Amen.


You don't need to tell me that Simon is the one working the long hours as one kind reader already pointed that out to me. Also, I'm the queen and commander of the badittudes and I am well aware of that fact as well.