you can't have the sweet without the sour and other stupid idioms

Doesn't it seem like they come in handy when you're in kind of a crap situation ... "you're barking up the wrong tree" or "a leopard can't change his spots" or "no use crying over spilled milk" blah blah blah. Basically I need to be more circumspect. Last night after I'd gotten us all ready to go visit Simon and we were in the car and pulling out of the driveway .... there was a crash c-section that Simon had to do and I know that's his job and that's the point of him being there and as one disgruntled reader put it once, "he's helping the sick and dying" (welllllll .... a bit of a stretch but .... fine) I still had a really tough time trying to hoist the giant baditude off my back. Even Julia told me she was "having a bad moon" when I told her we had to wait because apparently rosy dispositions are hereditary. I opted for the park because I had about zero other options. I walked Theo around in the stroller while the older two did what they do (Julia stares at the kids and Sebastian goes and talks to strangers in syllables while they stare at him ... circle of little life and all dat)

my little social butterfly. and do you see that pirate doll? she left it at the park and after everyone was carseated in she remembered and we had to go retrieve it ...... four frantic minutes shaved right off my life.

... hmmmm and WHY were all of the other parents looking at me and looking back at me again and again? Had they never seen an unkempt mom + children out in public?!

Of course. The zipper on my shorts? Wide open.

I didn't even bother being discreet in zipping it back up because at that point I think the kids could've asked for 44 oz caffeinated sugar waters and I would've said, "sure!" because holy long ass of a day.

Anyway, we eventually got to see him and have a nice visit and had Grace from earlier just seen the light of the future ... maybe she wouldn't have acted like the apocalypse was imminent at the beginning of the night. Maybe not.

And! Julia had her first accident-free outing. And it was a long outing. We did have to throw her on the nice and low handicapped toilet three times over the course of three minutes but still .... she "did NOT pee on Dora's face" so ..... silver lining? Totally. Absolutely.

Unfortunately, last night was an absolute dream compared to how tonight went down but we're going to water under bridge that shit and hope that third time's a charm tomorrow. Told you ... leopards and their spots.

Next month of night float I'm not blogging once. I promise. No one should be subjected to this kind of sunshine. I'm sorry.

Let's shift gears to Theodore Patton and his mother's cellular device. Theo sometimes wakes up circa 3 or 4 in the am ready for THE DAY. Happy, chirping, insane, grabby. Sometimes I'll indulge him and play with him and rock him back to sleep (I'm a sucker and I know it and I'm clapping my hands, I promise) but last week I was not having it. I vaguely remember giving him my phone to play with and going back to bed but I was mostly sleep walking through the motions as you do in the mom life on occasion.

Theo is 8 months old and has the dexterity of a drunken sailor just so you don't think this is flashing lights and mom brags. I was mostly just shocked that he unlocked the phone in the first place ...

The first night he hit up the Twitter ...

The second night he Facebook friend requested a Megan Andrews on my behalf. So ... I highly doubt there is a Megan Andrews that reads this blog but know that I am not creeper mcCreepy but that Theo is.

The next day he went ahead and threw up an inaugural status update for me ....

And the next night he took and pinned a photo of the attic ceiling onto my baked goods board.

I've since started giving him an age-appropriate teething toy to aid his insomnia.

And in the event of any sort of smartphone sibling Olympics .... this is what his competition looks like ...

200 more photos exactly like this and I'm walking and grimacing [cropped, you're welcome] in every single one. Julia's handiwork.

And this is from last year but this is the best work I've seen from Sebastian who was toddling around with my phone when he landed on this upstanding individuals gram account ...

 So I think it's safe to assume that Theo will probably crush them.

without a doubt.

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:)