I am Mom. Hear me think.

(Coincidentally Ana wrote a post along similar lines today ... hers is much MUCH better so just skip this and pop over there - now.)

Staying at home with little kids means that I have a lot of conversations like this ...

Mom: (hands full of kettle ball baby and car keys and purse and baby bottle and mug of cold coffee) Hey, would you please grab the sippy cup off the dining room floor?
Three year old: the DIVING room? where is THAT?
Mom: diNing room.
Three year old: I don't know where the diving room is. Is there a pool in the diving room? Where is it?

And this conversation continues through el mom just walking into the stupid dining room, bending down, breaking her back, and picking up the damn sippy while the three year old continues to ask thoughtful questions about our invisible indoor pool.

So I do a lot of thinking - like a lot of humans do - I know it's not just moms that think. A lot of thinking through the zillion scenarios that could go very wrong and not thinking of the zillion scenarios that will go wrong instead. There's a lot of schedule making and flexing and rearranging and changing because when it comes to babies and toddlers ... planning is essential but rarely pans out perfectly because someone will inevitabely cut their nap short and someone else will break a glass and cut their foot and require tweezer surgery and proper pampering on the couch and someone else will take off his diaper before his nap and paint a pretty urine mural on the bedroom wall .... enough. You get it. I know you do.

So my subconscious spews one liners like this on the daily ...

In the car ...

(quiet children shackled to their car seats, radio bumping) Mom thinks: I love driving. It's the most relaxing part of my day. I bet my blood pressure dips down a trillion points when I'm behind the wheel.

(baby crying, radio bumping and not trumping said crescendoing cries) Mom thinks: I hate driving. I hate driving. I hate driving. I hate driving.

In a grocery store parking lot and I come up against this Everest in the Sahara ...

(no carts for those with malfunctioning pupils)

Mom thinks: how am I supposed to herd two cat-toddler across a dangerous war zone of moving traffic while holding a Goliath of a baby? That's it, I'm blogging about this.

Toddler announces in said store, "I neeeeed to go to the rastroom"
Mom thinks: we have 35 seconds to find the rastroom.

Toddler announces in said store, "I reallly need to go to the rastroom"
Mom thinks: we are 35 seconds too late.

All of her children are dressed before noon ...

Mom thinks: nothing because she's too drained from the 2.3 hours of manual labor she just put in to get her little heathens clothed. Snaps cellular photos instead. Probably throws it on the gram.

A "TRUCKKKK!!!!!!!" is spotted on a run/walk so naturally ...

the mom thinks: memory that'll last a lifetime.

(and hopefully the homeowner that came out and asked him to get down has since forgiven the trespassers as they would've forgiven him)

ANYWAY.

Some facts: I just tried every single trick in my little Theodore manual and he still was just not having it with life so I put him to bed at 5:55 pm which I will surely regret at 5:55 am tomorrow. There is a little piece of glass stuck in my foot (see above) that I just can't get out and will need Simon to come home and help me so that it stops bleeding (a slow trickle but still ... I'm not ruling out a transfusion at this point) but one of Simon's fellow residents texted that Simon had to do an emergency c-section and will be home late (which is fine - I'm not hating the player - just throwing the game a little shade). And I just wish Chipotle had a drive-thru. Wouldn't that solve so many problems?

I typed this in between asking Theo what he wanted (no answer, just cries), peeling 56 clementines for Sebastian, and putting Julia down for her nap (again!). I accidentally left the light on in her lair so I just peeked my head in and she'd made herself a little blanket tent of darkness so now I'm feeling kind of failury and a lot guilty. So if this made little to negative sense ... you know why.


(and Simon, if you're reading this ... we're having chocolate chips for dinner. Unless of course you happen to find yourself swinging by a Chipotle on your way home ... even though it's pouring rain .. that would be weird, wouldn't it?)