now when I say whine you just whine one time ...
And so on.
Well, actually - let me clear my throat.
Okay, go.
Or we could've cut the crap and just titled this, "a whiner's manifesto" but .... too fancy.
I never set out to write downers of posts but I can feel it in my melancholic bones that this just might qualify. (Oh my goodness. Okay, melancholic might be a little dramatic but ... what's a good word for seriously struggling? I'm too busy to pinpoint a good one because I'm struggling. Seriously.) You know where the nearest exit is. It looks a little something like .... X.
I put the kids down for bed two hours earlier than their usual bedtime tonight because week two and night four of night float already has my left eye twitch-twitch-twitch-twitching nonstop from the vicious cycle of extreme exhaustion coupled with the unnecessary anxiety that every night delivers like clockwork. The older kids got in one fight too many (probably over a piece of lint because what one has and the other doesn't is instantaneous GOLD ... even if it is just a rock hard bit of leftover Annie's organic) as Theo cackled and threw a spoonful of twice swished applesauce back in my face and .... done! Mom was done and made the executive decision to just wrap up the fun before it got really great. So now I'm sharing the couch with a pile of cold unfolded laundry that has been leading a lonely and wrinkled existence in the dryer for days upon days and ... I'm being real productive on the net. Obviously.
I know that life wasn't meant to be easy and breezy and that motherhood isn't some idyllic dream filled with hazy moments of happy and contented sighs interrupted only by super fulfilling minutes that make up the hours that make up the years that I will eventually tell some young mother are "so short" but these months really stretch me. They stretch us really thin on a lot of fronts and I know it probably makes the other months feel relatively easier but holy hard could we do without them.
Exhale. Cold damn. Is Grace going to pull herself out of this tailspin of a depress-a-post anytime soon? Yes. But not before the internet knows that she has it the worst of all the people in the world. I'm sure we're clear on that fact by now. I promise this rotation will end and I'll get a few nights of more than 30 minutes of sleep and I'll be pelting your eyes and hearts with a beautiful rendition of, "I can see clearly now - the float is gone" and you'll wish I was back to writing the Memoirs of a Positive Thinker.
I've mentioned before that one of the only - or thee only nice thing about night float is that Simon has the weekends (Friday morning - Sunday evening) off like the repellent. So ... the parents can frantically try to catch up on sleep and gear up for the next week that will most likely beat them to a frazzled pulp all over again and talk dreamily about a nightfloatless life in the distantish future. It exists. And I'm sure it is one hell of a dream.
SO this weekend we ....
Oh, wait. This was Thursday night. But Sebastian asserted himself for the first time in the wardrobe department and this was the end result ... jockey meets jockey. Genuine height and all.
Also Thursday. Theo is totally turning toddler 'tude on us so it's nice to look back on these happy baby moments. May they RIP or resurrect aaaaaany time at all.
I asked the Facebook page (love those Facebookers - they always have the best advice/insight/everything) what they thought about taking a 3-year-old and all but two people answered in the affirmative so Simon took Bash too. And guess who asked about leaving early? Not the two-year-old. I mean ... Julia liked it but she didn't sing its praises which is strange because she could sit and watch every single episode of ALL the children's shows on Netflix for 99 days straight without blinking or breaking for sleep or nourishment. But! The hours that I was home alone with a sleeping Theo? Life changing.
And that's our story for tonight.
Sleep extra tight.
And so on.
Well, actually - let me clear my throat.
Okay, go.
Or we could've cut the crap and just titled this, "a whiner's manifesto" but .... too fancy.
I never set out to write downers of posts but I can feel it in my melancholic bones that this just might qualify. (Oh my goodness. Okay, melancholic might be a little dramatic but ... what's a good word for seriously struggling? I'm too busy to pinpoint a good one because I'm struggling. Seriously.) You know where the nearest exit is. It looks a little something like .... X.
I put the kids down for bed two hours earlier than their usual bedtime tonight because week two and night four of night float already has my left eye twitch-twitch-twitch-twitching nonstop from the vicious cycle of extreme exhaustion coupled with the unnecessary anxiety that every night delivers like clockwork. The older kids got in one fight too many (probably over a piece of lint because what one has and the other doesn't is instantaneous GOLD ... even if it is just a rock hard bit of leftover Annie's organic) as Theo cackled and threw a spoonful of twice swished applesauce back in my face and .... done! Mom was done and made the executive decision to just wrap up the fun before it got really great. So now I'm sharing the couch with a pile of cold unfolded laundry that has been leading a lonely and wrinkled existence in the dryer for days upon days and ... I'm being real productive on the net. Obviously.
I know that life wasn't meant to be easy and breezy and that motherhood isn't some idyllic dream filled with hazy moments of happy and contented sighs interrupted only by super fulfilling minutes that make up the hours that make up the years that I will eventually tell some young mother are "so short" but these months really stretch me. They stretch us really thin on a lot of fronts and I know it probably makes the other months feel relatively easier but holy hard could we do without them.
Exhale. Cold damn. Is Grace going to pull herself out of this tailspin of a depress-a-post anytime soon? Yes. But not before the internet knows that she has it the worst of all the people in the world. I'm sure we're clear on that fact by now. I promise this rotation will end and I'll get a few nights of more than 30 minutes of sleep and I'll be pelting your eyes and hearts with a beautiful rendition of, "I can see clearly now - the float is gone" and you'll wish I was back to writing the Memoirs of a Positive Thinker.
I've mentioned before that one of the only - or thee only nice thing about night float is that Simon has the weekends (Friday morning - Sunday evening) off like the repellent. So ... the parents can frantically try to catch up on sleep and gear up for the next week that will most likely beat them to a frazzled pulp all over again and talk dreamily about a nightfloatless life in the distantish future. It exists. And I'm sure it is one hell of a dream.
SO this weekend we ....
The kids LOVE secrets these days so Simon told them via whisper that he was going to take them to Frozen.
Off they went. Julia was suffering from a bit of anticipated separation anxiety here. Also ... she will be buried with that purse that is filled with nine different socks that are all filled to the brim with her trinkets. Color her well adjusted.
I asked the Facebook page (love those Facebookers - they always have the best advice/insight/everything) what they thought about taking a 3-year-old and all but two people answered in the affirmative so Simon took Bash too. And guess who asked about leaving early? Not the two-year-old. I mean ... Julia liked it but she didn't sing its praises which is strange because she could sit and watch every single episode of ALL the children's shows on Netflix for 99 days straight without blinking or breaking for sleep or nourishment. But! The hours that I was home alone with a sleeping Theo? Life changing.
And that's our story for tonight.
Sleep extra tight.
I feel like you should start buying a monthly bottle of booze/wine, box of party favors, and other necessities, for the end of Residency "Fiesta Fiesta F----Ta Residency."
ReplyDeleteLove me some pity parties about night shift. In this house o fun, we have night shift for 9 days (nights?) a month. Better? Worse? I know not. But I know it ain't no fun. And it feels like it will never ever ever come to an end. But it does. Then it happens again. It's a joy that this one coincided with 4 month shots and a respective fever, as well as a stomach bug for me. Sing to me more of your woes, Grace. I'll read/eat them up every time.
ReplyDelete(As always, the kids are gloriously adorable. Love Bash's riding outfit. Make sure he never knows what a riding crop is- I feel that would end badly for little J.)
I don't know if this will make you laugh...but when ever I read that Simon is on "night float" I imagine him floating around the hospital like Casper into patients rooms.
ReplyDeleteSo being an OB doc, would he be more reminiscent of Moaning Mertyl or of the Bloody Barron? Hehe
DeleteHugs and promises of wine for the very appropriate whine.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you! And the little sanity I have left goes out to you!! I will admit that reading this have me a mild panic attack for when my husband leaves for a few weeks coming up! I'll be up here in the north throwing a pity party with the polar bears!!
ReplyDeleteOh Grace. I really wonder how you do it. I am a weak species and just these last two weeks have left me wanting to quit my day job (full time poop cleaner and fight referee) to run off into the fields, husbandless and childless for just a few days of sanity.
ReplyDeleteBeing pregnant and having toddlers at the same time sucks!!! Can't quite remember how it was being pregnant the first time and being able to sleep/eat/sit whenever the whim took me. It seems almost indulgent now. For solidarity sake, hear my co-whine: after 2 weeks of super duper clingy, whiny, no-sleepy 2 year old (teething, I was told by many a helpful advice giver), I finally took the little scheister to the doc yesterday. If I recall it was because she threw a tantrum of such titanic proportions followed by a half an hour self pity cry on the floor, complete with fetal position and finger sucking, that I figured: either something is (medically) wrong with this child or I may have to call in the help of an exorcist. (Un)luckily I was right, poor baby has middle ear infection in both ears coupled with tonsillitis. Bad mom alert. I probably deserve the impossible amounts of screaming and hip clinging that I had to endure for the sake of "teething molars"....
I loathe when my husband works the nighthawk shift too, but he only does it for a week at a time. I don't know how you do it. I hope you get lots of rest this weekend!
ReplyDeleteMy guy just returned from his business trip last night but yesterday this time I had gotten the crappiest of sleep due to a teething baby and then a 4 yo who woke up covered with puke...who pluked more ....and then visited the toilet more....which had me canceling our play date which would've been my 1st contact with adults in days (not proud). But the husband's home now and all is well again. :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband went back to work for awhile last night, and I was thinking of you as I tried to entertain myself while also ignoring all the weird sounds that I was hearing. I wish I had some suggestion or something I could do to help (because obviously all you want is advice! ha!) but I will pray that you have a really good night tonight and that this month flies by for you.
ReplyDeleteI so remember those days of fighting over the golden lint or "I want the bigger piece of (insert food item)" I will pray for you.....
ReplyDeleteoh, nail on the HEAD. Everything is "biggest!!!" -- Sebastian has no clue what it means but says it all the time.
DeleteThanks Theresa!!!
Sure, they don't advertise motherhood as a cakewalk, but that doesn't make the sucky parts suck any less! You, my dear, are completely entitled to a "struggling" post once in a while.
ReplyDeletemy husband on average is not home three days a week...at all...52 two weeks a year. I am the lone ranger in the parenting department...Sometimes the days are really long and tiring. Many night I feed my children cereal b/c I just don't want to cook and clean up one more time. I am fairly used to it so I don't throw my self a pity party often...however on the days my husband isn't home I just miss him...you know someone over the age of 5 to talk to and to just not here the disney channel in the background...would be nice...lol...honest post and you my friend are not alone. :)
ReplyDeleteMay I just say that I completely and utterly love that you started off this post with a reference to "Let me clear my throat"? That is awesome. I feel like I'm in junior high all over again…but in a good way this time.
ReplyDeleteMy hubs just started a 4-5 year apprenticeship that will likely take him on long term job assignments elsewhere. We have a 3 year old, 1 year old, and 3 month old. I know I'll soon be feeling your pain. Just keep that Jock Jams Pandora station open and don't be afraid to cry into the unfolded laundry pile (that's what it is there for, right?)
You are awesome, Mrs. Patton.
aw, thanks Jenny. How did you know I loved Jock Jams????
Deleteand ICK. Absentee husbands are just the worst - I mean THEY are not the worst themselves but ... it's so hard with little kiddos. Just know that someone else is probably just as miserable here in St. Louis :)
Love your blog labels. Aaaand you're my mom hero. I'll never complain about my ONE CHILD waking me up in the middle of the night again. (Yes I will.)
ReplyDeleteha. I need to write a post about how one child is the hardest. It is!! Complain away!!!!
DeleteI get it. While my husband didn't do night floats, he went to law school. In that time we doubled our preschool population, tripled our debt and lost lots of sleep and trips to Hawaii. We don't have snow here but we have long, hot Phoenician summers. With lots of preschoolers, no pool and no money I frequently thought I was going to lose my mind. Things are incrementally better now that we're two years out of school/bar exam/clerking. Real job, an eight year old who's helpful but with an attitude--I'll be forty next year and I've almost arrived. (!) So much to offer up ;)
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how tough these times are. Praying for some sort of relief!
ReplyDeleteOh Grace, this post makes me wish I could grab my sleeping bag & come over so you would have another adult in the house and not lose too much sleep!!
ReplyDeleteI start night float in 2 1/2 weeks and am dreading missing 4 weeks of my little girl's life...I know we'll have the weekends together, it still stinks.
Please let me know if there's anything I could do to help!
oh you're too sweet, Dr. Winter!! I think you mom-docs have it so much worse than I do so hopefully you just roll your eyes at posts like these :) This is your last NF though. ... right??? Party at your place on the last Friday ;)
DeleteLove it! My hubby used to travel a LOT. I feel your pain. Hang in there. I know those walls and halls all too well at Mercy. Makes me smile every time I see your cute kids in familiar places. Wouldn't it be great if we did run into each other. Hope you have a great rest of the week and have an awesome weekend.
ReplyDeleteJenny
Fellow St. Louisian and Mercy visitor
Grace, I think Dr. Patton needs to invest in a mommy's helper for you. I know the big bucks aren't flowing yet but even if you had someone come over a couple of hours a day you could catch up on sleep or take a shower without peepers or whatever. Your family is beautiful and you are an awesome mom (I can tell because the best moms are the ones who are realistic and pragmatic and HONEST, as opposed to those mommy bloggers who have a Pinterest Perfect life) and I applaud your commitment to accept whatever life God blesses you with BUT you have to take care of yourself. I'd volunteer my awesome aunt-iness (because you can ask my nieces - I'm the best Aunt EVER) if I wasn't so far away. Get thyself a college student who needs a few extra bucks. We were dirt poor when my babies were babies and even we had a young lady who came on soccer nights and gave the youngest his bath and put him to bed while we were out with the older ones so that was one less thing for us to do. *end of mother hen like bossiness* *hugs*
ReplyDeleteSee my friend, this is why I love your words so very much. Your despair makes me feel normal (or like a big fat wuss because my husband is home by 6 every night...)
ReplyDeleteExcuse me. Sam is eating handfuls of dirt.
Girl, I know. I'm kind of in the middle of my own pity party meltdown. My kid won't stop coughing and therefore we are not sleeping, I haven't seen my husband awake for more than ten minutes at a time in like ten days and I haven't eaten a meal that hasn't come from a box or a delivery person in the last week. It gets better, right?
ReplyDeletecoughing is the WORST. Seriously. I get really weird about being around kids with coughs because my kids tend to cling to them for WEEKS and it's awful. I'm so so sorry!!! It has to get better. This is all part of January's brilliant plan for a brilliant spring ... I hope.
DeleteI hear you Grace, I hit such a frozen tundra of mommy burnout I truly didn't know what could get me out of it after I had to do every bedtime alone in December and then it started again the first week of January. I texted my BFF if I could please come visit in the big apple this weekend and just the thought of being alone on the train for 3 hours has me so giddy I might refrain from ordering takeout the next 2 nights sans other parent figure (no it won't).
ReplyDeleteoh, gosh. I read and reread this comment --- the solidarity helps so much! I do have a teeny trip coming up the last week of the float ....... definitely a carrot in front of my nose!! Enjoy NYC!!!
DeleteArgh. I wish I could send you alcohol. The last few days I've been seriously contemplating checking myself into a spa for a good week or month.
ReplyDeleteI am never on top of my laundry, and I don't even have 3 other little humans to do it for. Cold piles of wrinkly clothes it is. Also, my anxiety is always worse at night too. You'll get through this!
ReplyDeleteOh this makes me so sad! If I lived in STL I'd come over and fold your laundry and watch your kids while you sleep. I force myself on people like that. Prayers instead!
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't know how you do it. My husband is out of town for two whole days this weekend and Avi has the flu and I think I might die. As I look around the house, I see rooms filled to the brim with mess and clutter, but I have literally no motivation to do a thing. Meanwhile, the sick one is "sweeping" the kitchen floor. What's wrong with that picture? Seriously, you're my mom hero, for sure. I don't know how you do it every day and still look so pretty, on top of it all. =)
ReplyDelete