surviving four under four {or a brood of small children} ...

... because age ain't nothing but a number, right?

Who knows.

I do know that one of the fastest ways to get me to click out of a blog post is to start chucking parenting advice at me. I've only been riding the motherhood train for 3.9 years but I've learned that odds are very good that my kids have vastly different temperaments than your kids and my threshold for some things is probably a lot different than all the other baby mama thresholds on the e-block. So I think it would be terribly hypocritical if I typed a novella full of advice. Instead I'll just share some things that have seemed to help keep a lid on the chaos around here for the past few months.

Julia will be four at the end of the month so I'm slipping this is in just under the wire and please don't think that I think I've earned any sort of parenting badge of better honor up in here. Parenting is hard. Parenting one child is really hard and I'm sure parenting teenagers is really hard too. I've had countless people tell me to cherish these years when the kids are small because I'll miss them and countless others confide that the older years are so much more fun. We're all different. And I believe we're all doing the best we can today and probably striving to do a little better tomorrow.

I still occasionally get the same panicky and overwhelmed feeling out in public with all four kids that I got when I dared to take baby Julia out of the house. I think it's a combination of acclimation, lowering my standards, and then lowering my standards again that makes me say the old, "it gets easier" the more I have and the older they get.

Anyway ... I'll always have my days, my hours, and my minutes where I think my mind might be lost forever but I like to think we're on the upswing. Maybe.

Okay, here we go!

1. pick and choose priorities: This might be a, "duh!" for many but it took me awhile to realize that my mood would plummet to ugly very quickly if all the kids stayed in their pajamas all day. I'm sure a lot of moms might roll their eyes at that because, who cares?! I know. But I don't stress about dinner (I hide behind the excuse that Simon can eat for free at work/sometimes I don't know when he'll be home) nor is my laundry on any sort of schedule and I don't mind wearing the same running shorts + t-shirt day in and day out while at home. For whatever bizarre reason ... I like to get the kids dressed after breakfast. This is a somewhat recent development and I might not care as much when it gets gross outside again but my point is that it's been important for me to pinpoint the things that make me feel less frazzled and do them on the daily. Other examples include: daily exercise and uh, that's it. Shoot for the stars, everyone.

2. make a list for day then cut it in half: Unless a magical unicorn of a babysitter appears out of the abyss ... I will never get everything on my to-do list done. Most of the time at least three kids naps for ~3 hours every afternoon but usually Julia and/or Phoebe is awake which means my hustle time is very limited. And that's okay. As long as the kids are fed, relatively happy, and bathed every other week (joke time!), we're good.

3. make showering a priority: I have to. At least every other day. Whether I do it at night when everyone's asleep or I hire Netflix for an episode of something educational (Julia LOVES WordGirl and Super Why and the boys tolerate them) or not ... I make it happen. Washing my hair is a different story but I make that happen too. I've learned that I can't do a long shower and a Costco run in the same morning. Laugh it up but I know my limits.

4. park near the cart corral: When I go shopping I must park near the carts because Sebastian is a runner and would love nothing more than to play a game of Chicken with some moving vehicles, and I'm still working on growing a few more arms but the sooner I can get the two youngest caged in the cart and the two oldest to hold onto said rolling cage or holding hands ... the better. The same goes for coming out of the store and getting the groceries into the car. It's just easier if I can get my goods and my kids secured in the car before I put the cart back. And if anyone would like to sign my serious petition to all stores nationwide begging that they always leave just one cart in the corral ... let me know. Oh, and no car carts or the triple long trailer carts from Target. I can't. I know, no fun.

5. smile at the stares: Maybe I'm perpetually leaving the house with spinach leaves in my teeth and not realizing it or maybe I'm weirdly paranoid but it feels like people love a good stare at the Patton parade. I don't blame them because Julia is probably asking in a VERY LOUD VOICE if she can have everything she sees in the store (purple newborn socks, a leopard print bra, all of the Hello Kitty inventory, a box of non-generic cereal, Dora fruit snacks, a pink fly swatter, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g), "for my birthday?!" and Sebastian is probably trying to figure out a way to dart away and escape to the toy truck aisle (which he has successfully done twice, two heart shaped attacks for his mother!). Only a handful of the (imaginary?) onlookers seem to be borderline disgusted (but they might just be plagued with the default angry face that I am ... no harm done!) but if I'm able to catch their eye I always throw a smile in their direction. It catches them off guard and forces them to either say hello or be on their awkward merry way.

so happy together.

6. protein: This is huge for us ... I've found that getting some protein into the kids and myself SOON after we wake up in the morning and after naps for the kids ... everyone is much happier. I have a drawer full of string cheese, a spoon ready to shove peanut butter (or almond butter for the healthier nuts out there) into a whiny mouth, and greek yogurt always stocked for the post-sleep or mid-morning slumps. Julia and Theo love eggs and none of the kids notice if I mix chia seeds in the yogurt or smoothies but who knows if those help at all.

7. hire assistants: Ask a couple of toddlers to go grab the wipes in an emergency bomb situation and they will stare at you, but ask a couple of toddlers, "who wants to be my assistant?!" and they will enthusiastically do close to anything. Theo loves to "unload" the dishwasher (knives removed first, I'm only partially negligent) and he throws everything in all the wrong places but he seems so pleased with himself and it keeps him happily occupied for twelve glorious minutes. Unload away, drunk little sailor.

8. big picture: This is really hard for me to remember in the moment but is it the end of the world if Julia and Sebastian sneak-make some chocolate milk and spill it all over the freshly Swiffered kitchen floor? Or Theo sneaks his huge and cumbersome blanket into the car for errands? Or Julia and Sebastian get into an embarrassing tug-of-hair fight at the playground for all to witness? Nope. It might feel like it but taking the vast majority of the day's hiccups with a grain of salt helps keep me sort of sane.

9. escapism: I'm mostly kidding but losing myself in a book during nap time on an especially tiring afternoon or giving myself permission to watch some Netflix while folding the piles of neglected laundry and letting the kids throw all their books and toys down the stairs, over and over again does my overwhelmed a world of good on occasion.

10. gratitude it: I've mentioned this before but it is worth repeating. I know that we are very fortunate to have four healthy kids. Very fortunate. I get caught up in wishing Simon was home more or that we had family around or that I had some form of tangible support to lean on when the days get a little bit lonely but I'm so grateful for the kids and the joy they bring to our marriage.

I feel like ten pieces of not advice is a good place to stop but I could add ten more (the importance of getting everyone on the same blessed afternoon nap schedule, getting out of the house alone often, getting out of the house with just one or two kids often, the cathartic outlet of texting e-friends in similar blessed and chaotic boats, and those mini plastic bottles of Moscato - those are good too) but I'll have to save those for their own separate Tolstoys. Lucky you.

And finally! If you read this entire thing and think I have a couples screw loose or that my standards are ghastly or that I give motherhood an ugly name .... I'm with you.

But I'm so glad we're on the same page.


And if you're in the mood to read me repeat or contradict my former self, you're in luck! 
We've got ...
Surviving two under two
and Surviving three under three