confessionista

tunic - c/o Madeleine Maternity

maternity denim - Target

wedges - c/o Rackroom Shoes

shades - ASOS

on Phoebe

dress - c/o Little Hipsqueaks

top - Old Navy

Sandals - Amazon

31 weeks of bumpage but I feel oddly reminiscent of my formerly full-term self. Weird.

I totally thought I could get away with wearing this tunic as a dress because suddenly I've turned into one of those stereotypical pregnant women that skips the glisten stage of overheated and goes straight for the drenched in perspiration and looking around wondering why no one else is looking like they might pass out. Funny how that happens just as winter cackles her goodbyes. Anyway, I came to my senses and didn't wear a glorified shirt as a dress after ALL. De nada. 

I don't want to admit how many hour(S) I've spent trying to figure out bleeping Snapchat but ... my mind just does not compute. I'll be the 90-year-old waxing nostalgic about Instagram while my great grands zip around in their cars that triple as phones and drones. 

I know you love it. I know she loves it. I know everyone loves it but I can't stand Uptown Funk. I'd rather listen to overgrown nails on a noisy chalkboard but you know who really loves it and knows all the words and sings it all the time? Julia and Sebastian. It's a nightmare. Except I'm awake.

Julia has been talking and talking about amulets lately and I assumed it was a made up word (likely - her new name for the baby is, "Zosa" rhymes with Rosa, I think) but then I Googled and nope - it's a thing. I blame the wilds of Kids' Netflix. 

99.9% of my photos look something like this ...

... because Simon likes to insert loads of commentary about the absurdity of blog photos and not posed poses and he's right. So right. But it doesn't stop me, now does it? Maybe next time he'll catch me mid-snort and laughy tear wipe away.

In less than four weeks we will (probably, hopefully) be officially homeless while Simon finishes his last 4 week rotation before we move. We are only in a semi-frenzied state looking for a temporary solution that won't cost us quadruple a mortgage payment and won't force all 6.8 of us to share a bed up until the baby comes and then all 7 of us to keep on sharing. Maybe it's time to walk the blog name walk and go forth an inaugural and genuine camping excursion. Snort. Or maybe we'll just co-sleep with all of our kittens. Saints have suffered. I'll keep you posted. I never don't.

And that's all she wrote.
I hope you have an above average afternoon.

Bash Chats

 pants: Target via Kidizen

sweater: thredUP

shoes: c/o Rack Room shoes

shades: Gap

Many mornings when he first sees me + the growing bump ...
Bash: gooooood morning, Baby! It's a beautiful day to come out and play with me!!

Looking for Simon ...
Bash: Where'd Daddy go?
Grace: to play basketball with his friends at church
Bash: (laugh) get out of town!!
Grace: okay
Bash: you mean he went to drink beer with his friends?

Singing softly while walking around the house ...
Bash: this little poop of mine ... I'm gonna let it shine

While getting him dressed to go to Lowe's with Simon ...
Grace: how about these jeans?
Bash: hmmm no, too fancy.

(in the middle of our "shoot" a fleet of trucks rolled by so he just took a seat and enjoyed the view for a few ...)

Simon explaining something ...
Simon: ... that's what I would do when I was a little kid
Bash: you mean when you were a grown-down?

Picking out a show to watch with Theo and lobbying for his choice:
Theo: George!! (as in Curious)
Bash: No, Theo ... too addicting.

One evening when Simon had to stay late at work ...
Bash: when's Daddy coming home?
Grace: I don't know, as soon as he's done with his c-section probably
Bash: but we have scissors here!
Grace:
Bash: he can just bring the mommy here and cut the baby out on our couch!!

highs + lows

Or maybe I should say HIGHS + lows because the highs won out this weekend despite a rocky start - and I wouldn't even say it was rocky - maybe just pebbly. Look at my optimism shine bright like a diamond today.

We'll get the pebbles out of the way first. My coffee mug-o-iced-creamer is more on the half full side this afternoon.

The fattest low came on Sunday when Simon started my most hated rotation but! it's the last of these rotations and the second to last rotation of residency so ... I didn't let it cast the usual shadow of doom, gloom, and death over the rest of the weekend like I normally would because the light .... it's there. 

I woke the kids up in the middle of their naps on Friday for a last minute showing only to have said showing show up hours after their scheduled slot and minutes after we'd already gotten home and the kids' shoes had been scattered to the zillion corners of the house and maybe, just maybe I was stuffing my face with popcorn. We awkwardly filed out while they awkwardly stood outside and my awkward quota for life was more than met. However - the poor realtor dropped off a sweet gift card for a liquor store (genius, so genius) the next morning to apologize SO ... she was more than forgiven and (clearly!) forgotten. 

Saturday brought more showings during naps and weather conducive to doing nothing but walk the mall or find an indoor playground a la Mickey D's. We chose the high class latter, much to Julia and Sebastian's delight and Theo's semi-delight (everything is "scary!!!" complete with dramatic hand motions these days). 

seeking shelter and comfort from the big, bad tube slide.

Simon and I lucked out in finding a sitter and snuck out for a little Saturday night sushi date. Despite every other stranger I encounter assuming that I'm due, "any day now?" we were kindly presented with complimentary shots of sake which I would've appreciated if sake tasted like something other than a mix of vinegar + rubbing alcohol ... don't argue ... you know it's true, too. I failed to snag a date night selfie for you ... I can't believe Simon didn't remind me - SO unlike him. 

Back to reality ... while Sunday's open house fell during naps yet again ... the weather was gorgeous and we took a pizza picnic party to a park (did your tongue start twisting in horror just reading that? hope not) and had a mostly fight/cry/whine-free time which lately feels like a rarity with all of these missed naps and routineless existence.

the apparently not-scary building blocks which look suspiciously like a butchered tree, if you ask me

to the person that told them smiling in unison would result in swift and untimely deaths: thanks! 

{also, can you see where Julia and Sebastian were playing "dentist" and somehow a chunk of Julia's hair got cut? yeah, me neither}

Here's a perfect pointless clip of the trip ... I'll do better next time. 

And of course we managed to fit in some real creative play ...

it's a book .......... house. And they are all over our house at the moment so if you come over bring your best 'impressed' face before Phoebezilla destroys it and all big kid morale for the 10th time that hour.

And I hate to be cryptic (no, I don't) but I don't want to jinx it so I'm typing this slowly with all appendages crossed since the last offer fell through but as of this morning and (barring some weirdly unfortunate circumstances, please Jesus no) ... I think we are done with house showings.

sell-uh-brashun.
I knew you'd like that terrible pun.

Don't tell the kids because a clean house makes for a happy mom and it's fun to watch Sebastian run and grab the broom every time Phoebe throws her food on the floor (all day, e-v-e-r-y day).

And with that, you've been duped into reading yet another weekend recap. If you're still here. I promise I deleted an entire paragraph about my ongoing war with seasonal allergies and my plans to have my eyeballs professionally removed before I scratch them out myself so be grateful you just got hit with this one sentence.

Until next time ... Feliz Monday to all you fiesta people.

bouquets for days (and days)

A few weeks ago we sent flowers to an acquaintance and while I was more than happy to do so (and would do it again! and again!) I have to admit I was a tiny bit taken aback by the final price tag and pretty underwhelmed by the final product and unimpressed by the bevy of service/delivery charges tacked on right before I clicked, "pay now". Fast forward to last week while I was browsing The Bouqs (kind post sponsor) website and kept triple checking to make sure I was reading the price tags correctly because they were significantly less daunting than those I'd recently encountered and the bouquets weren't ye old paltry fistfuls of blooms ... they were both gorgeous and quite generous. I waited for the final price tag tally but the price was the price was the price (shipping included! as it should be, if you ask grinchy me!) and suddenly I was making an imaginary list of all the people I'd love to surprise with flowers.

do you think this (expert, might I add with an exaggerated wink) display might overwhelm prospective buyers in our entryway?

Nah.

(by the way - these are the Desperado and the Marshmallow bouquets ... divvied up and eventually reluctantly spread throughout the house with my fancy plastic succulents)

Ranunculus (spell that five times fast, or even just one time slow)

A fraction of the Desperado ...

Sebastian was curious to know how flowers pooped, naturally.

And never ever to be upstaged ...

Julia wallflower Patton.

... and Theodore

... you wouldn't believe his crystal clear pronunciation of Ranunculus.

Believe it or not there are still more roses over on the piano ...

... believe it or NOT.

SO here's the deal and what sets The Bouqs apart from thee others:

+ the flowers are cut the day you order from the side of an active volcano in Ecuador where the soil is rich in minerals and the sunshine is abundant so you'll get them sooner AND they'll last longer (Simon didn't believe me and went to go read for himself and was super impressed after he realized my pants weren't on fire)
+ they don't wait around in warehouses and all come directly from eco-friendly sustainable farms (that are all 3rd party certified by Veriflora and The Rainforest Alliance) so the quality is always, always top notch
+ as mentioned before, there is no hidden upselling or shipping costs, ever
+ they have a brilliant and generous referral program, get on it!

Ordering was a breeze even with all the kids clamoring and taking a sudden interest in my computer screen. I probably garner more pleasure than I should from user-friendly websites that even Phoebe could operate and The Bouqs site totally fits that easy bill.

If those elaborate plans for homemade Mother's Day gifts (it's coming up folks! May 10th!) aren't coming together quite as quickly and easily as you'd imagined might I suggest utilizing the discount code: BLOOM15 for 15% off your Mother's Day or Any Day order? Well, I just did.

The Bouqs is giving away three hefty months worth of bouquets to one lucky Camp reader. All you have to do to enter is visit their website, register for an account, and comment back here with the name of your favorite bouquet. Open to US only and the winner will be announced 5/1/15.

Good luck!

Giveaway closed. 

Congrats to Meredith ... winner extraordinaire!

ONE

She did it. She kept herself alive for an entire year. Time to celebrate with her first lick of sugar.

L to the O to the L.

Let me see, let me see ... what can I tell you about Phoebe Anika that you don't already know? Lots, I'm sure.

Simon calls her a strong independent woman because she is thee worst about getting her diaper changed and has the core strength of Xena + the Hulk combined and can wriggle out of just about any parental attempt to keep her pinned. Even when two parents are involved.

She's the most open-minded child about food (though you'd never guess ... those sad, deflated cheeks) and will eat virtually anything but once she's had enough she will stare you straight in the eye and fling the food at your face or launch it across the room without moving a facial muscle.

She's the most narrow-minded child when it comes to car rides but ... we won't get into that.

I call her Sebastian's apprentice because she gets into as much or more trouble than he did at her age. In the span of four minutes the other night while I was putting Theo to bed she emptied all of my makeup bag along with a dresser that contains far more clothing than it should, and then made her happy little way over to the dishwasher where she climbed up on the door and went to town on alllll the dirty utensils. No shame in her games, ever.

She's a real shark at hide-and-seek ...

.. where could she be?

She's gone from the very worst Patton child sleeper to a champion sleeper and always wakes up in the happiest mood which is greatly appreciated considering what rotten demeanors her siblings find themselves in post-zzz's.

She's a litttttle bit of a bully and I've had to rescue all three kids at separate times from her crazy clutches in the middle of what went from a fun-loving wrestling match to a "pin the enemy down while pulling their hair like I just don't care" session.

She will stand for hours on end but has NO interest in walking. At all.

And she will dance to just about any beat: the microwave timer, the blender, any and all music, and my blowdryer.

We celebrated last night because we had to vacate the house for a showing and I didn't know what today would hold as far as showings would go (and we did have a surprise call SO ... .2 smart points for Grace, for once) but I understand if you don't want to be dragged through the celebrations but if you DO

.... click on, clicker ...

carpe nada

I've always been completely baffled by how quickly and easily Simon can fall asleep. He can lay down at virtually any point in the day and be out cold in 1.2 minutes no matter how loud a symphony of troubling sounds the kids are inevitably trumpeting from all corners of the house. While I generally have to read, toss, turn, repeat and then maybe get one or two of our progeny some water before I finallllllly drift off 29 minutes after I initially retired. And naps have always been a total impossibility no matter how exhausted I am.

Until now.

I'm sure it's just the third trimester letting her glowy presence be known but as soon as I get the kids down for naps I go ahead and play copyfeline on the couch for a siesta of my very own. And the other day we drove the kids to a playground seven minutes away and on the way I fell asleep (Simon was driving, thankfully) ... open mouth, get-that-drool-off-my-shoulder, and ALL.

So, instead of fighting it I'm enjoying my new found Rip Van Patton ability to get some extra rest because I can just hear the old, "enjoy it now! because when that baby comes you'll wish you were still the size of a beached Beluga!!" finger wags from the veterans .... right? Right.

So, that's my cop out for the day and precisely why I'm sending you off to prettier pastures than I'd ever be able to muster ... gestating or not.

Kelly made me LLOLST (literally laugh out loud several times, duh) reading her post about going "no poo" (no shampoo ... not sure why the nickname has to be just as atrocious as the concept)

While I'll always remain fiercely loyal to my medicated births ... I still loved reading Bridget's preparing for childbirth post because that woman ... she wise beyond her years. I might be her biggest fan ... just don't tell her that because I like to keep my coolia.

I was so excited to read this hysterical post from Paige. She's a word wizard. Wizarddess?

This book's been on my to-read list f-o-r-e-v-e-r and I'm finally digging in. Everything I've ever read of Chaunie's has resonated with me so an entire book will be a real treat. You can find it on Prime too if that's more your speed, like me.

Two of my college roommates have resurrected their smart and sophisticated magazine for young Catholic (or not! they don't discriminate, of course!) women with a brand new issue. You can get a fun preview and read back issues for free right here. Kicking bottom and taking names, Rose and Anna!

Of course after doing my big roundup of maternity denim ... I'm finding that I reach for this pair day after day after day. Probably because they are the darkest wash and have the most forgiving stretch of the bunch. These are still a veryveryclose second though.

I'm so positive that I'm having a girl that I catch myself browsing lady baby clothing from time to time or fine, maybe daily. This could totally be gender neutral in the event that I'm wrong, right? Thought so.

Okay, Julia is requesting that I sit still so she can draw a picture of me so off to self esteem building camp I trot.

Happy (is it really only) Wednesday (?)!

lost boys

I know for a fact that I'm recycling that post title from many years ago and I know for a fact that said post involved a photo of a bowl full of butter. Nowhere to go but plateau ... I suppose.

No, the truth is that my phone is hanging by a thread thanks to a shattered screen (beyond repair ... because the layer beneath that is ruined too - so if anyone has any suggestions on where to purchase another OTHER than our not-so-beloved carrier ... I'd be mighty obliged) so instead of trusting the Cloud I'll just throw some of my very favorite quality snaps at you. A glorified version of From the Cutting Room Floor ... if you will.

When we go outside to play - the big kids usually race bikes down the driveway over and over and over again while Theo makes rock + grass + flower casseroles in his dump trucks over and over and over again. To each their exotic own.

Yet another state of the art St. Louis park that boasts ... ellipticals for the parents? I don't know what else they'd be. St. Louis Parks and Rec is trying to tell us something, apparently. The wave of the future, folks. It's here.

Simon tries in vain to enlist Phoebe's highly sought after attention for the warmest of seconds but ... nope.

Reason number trillion why I bought our very first tablecloth and have it at the ready for when we get calls about showings. Lazy or smart? You decide.

Both of the girls love to swing. Both of the boys hate it. To be filed under: super useful Patton facts.

fuzzy for a reason. Julia lording over her hoards of treasures after we went through and negotiated throwing about 1/3 of it away (alllllllllll trash). Phoebe eyes the Chapstick and the potential choking hazards like the good apprentice that she is.

we'll pretend the blur is an artistic touch. On a walk through Forest Park where the kids pretended this extra wide bridge was a roller coaster. Imaginations. We've got them in spades.

April showers bring on allergies that make you want to claw your eyes out. Or maybe that's just me.

A couple months ago. And you can never find a Costco employee when you need one but when you're taking the most shameless of selfies in front of the full-length? Bada-bing bada-boom ... there are two standing riiiiiiiight in front of you.

And that concludes today's dump-o-snaps. Thanks for your patience, as always!

gypsy living

Regarding the post title: ne-eh-eh-eh-ever one to exaggerate over here. So, it's not entirely or even a little bit accurate but I'm not sure there is sum of money large enough to let a stranger see the state of the inside of our minivan right now because as it serves as our occasional and temporary daytime home away from home ... it's bad. Real bad. And someone (name rhymes with Julia) took a pen to the outside of said mobile home and left her signature monsters-meant-to-be-humans-but-they-look-like-monsters drawings on some lucky doors. I think the poor Odyssey might've aged nine years this past week. It'll live. I hope.

Anyway. We are heading into week two of the house being on the market (we had an offer a few days in but it fell through ... cue all the Caspers yelling, "boo!" but better now than days/hours/minutes before closing, I think) and it turns out that keeping your house in pristine-ish condition and being ready to vacate at the ring of the cellular isn't quite as bad as I thought. Say que ever-the-pessimist-slash-realist Grace?!

I mean. Getting jolted awake from a nap on Friday afternoon with the news that there would be a showing in fifteen minutes (many, many panicked curses) and having the potential buyers actually show up 12 minutes later and greeting them as I ran out the door with two half asleep/half crying children while carrying their shoes AND my own with my hair styled in a very Medusa-esque fashion ... wasn't that fattest barrel of laughs BUT it trumps winter + cabin fever + winter. It trumps it forever.

As fortuity would have it, Simon worked an extra special call over the weekend (24 on/24 off/24 back on) and we had a bevy of showings (a positive problem) but with a little bit of nap time finagling and quite a bit of last minute baby wiping down the bathrooms (and kitchen and and AND) we made it work with the help of a soft hospital landing (or as Julia puts it to Sebastian, "sometimes Daddy lives at home and sometimes he lives at his work, you got that?") ...

Harmony Outside the Home: A Portrait

The kids enjoyed breathtaking views of the parking lot ...

someone yank me away from the phone photo editing apps ... now.

Phoebe practiced her not-walking ...

"Oh, you want me to move one of my feet one single shuffle forward?!

"LOLOLOLOL"

"Never."

"Ever."

And the Labor + Delivery waiting rooms always look so lonely so we remedied that tragedy ...

Phoebe spotted that trachea-sized apple sauce pouch lid that fell out of my purse and is still yapping about how cruel I was for not letting her at least see how long it would take before it got lodged in her throat.

Just call me Deville for short.
 

After exhausting almost every "fun" kid-friendly attraction the hospital had to offer Simon kept saying we should open one of the doors to one of the parenting classes going on and chuck all the kids inside for a little firsthand learning experience for the pupils and after FiNaLLLLLy going home and putting everyone to bed to the tune of 6:52pm I'm wondering why I didn't go along with his genius plan.

I do have to say that the kids have been resilient little soldiers putting up with screwy nap schedules and occasionally missed naps and a super fun mom that may or may not have a bit of a calf over something ridiculous like 1/6th of a sock sticking out of a drawer (I hate me too).

And so with a purse full of emergency Dum-dums, three half empty (or are they full? something to ponder ... ) packs of wipes, and four pairs of  'juuuuust in case' changes of pants for the kids ... we march onward to another predictably unpredictable week.

Left, left.
Left, right, left.

a woman's best friend

wedges - c/o Rack Room Shoes

maternity denim - Old Navy

purse - thredUP

blazer - Forever XXI

top - Old Navy

not (really) pictured maternity tank - c/o Blanqi

If and/or when wedges go completely out of style I'm still fairly to very certain that I'll still happily rock them because I'm a high heel weakling but won't go full time with the flats ... quite yet. When I first spotted these on Rack Room's website the sensible side of Grace told the sliver of a wild side of Grace, "ohhhh no you don't ... " because even four inches on a wedge sounded a little too crazy for my lifestyle but the wild woman won out in the end. As someone who unabashedly lives in mom clogs the majority of the time ... my shoe comfort standards are pretty high and I was pleasantly shocked at how comfortable these were. They even passed the Simon test (although he said one more strap and they'd be traipsing into gladiator/enemy territory) which was almost more shocking. 

If you're not quite ready to pull the four inch trigger Rack Room has loads of other equally snazzy and potentially more sensible options in the wedge and heel department. Por ejemplo: I had these open in my browser forever. I hate how much the change of seasons makes me want to shop especially as the kids grow but Rack Room's everyday "buy one get one 50%" promotion on all styles for men, women, and kiddos makes the (fun) pill a little bit easier to swallow especially when Sebastian jumps three sizes in six months.

Rack Room Shoes also has an awesome rewards program chalk full of exclusive discounts and coupons. It just might come in handy if you too have a husband that wears their only non-sneakers until they are extra holey and waiting around for the perfect pair to go on clearance isn't always a viable option.

Enough, Grace. Let's get to the good stuff. 

Rack Room Shoes is giving away a $100 credit to one of you fine folks ... just do as the kind Rafflecopter says and break a foot. I won't say that again, promise. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway