the mothermoon

WOW.

What a weekend.

There was a big televised fight. And a Derby. And that's all I can truthfully say I know about those blessed events. 

But then Princess Charlotte made her debut and eight minutes later her Duchess mother was out on the campaign trail lobbying hard for her name to be etched in history as, "postpartum unicorn gazelle of glitter and wonder and wtf."

I'll have the prenatals that she's having. As long as they're gummy. Thanks.

Oh! And I went on a babymoon with me, myself, I, and baby #5. I'm always apprehensive about leaving the kids (even though Simon is a far more capable parent than I'll ever be and we had a great sitter to fill in when he had to go to work) but I got over my apprehension real quick like as soon as I got off my flight and into my Corolla rental and buckled zero car seats and was off to the house hunting races down in Tampa.

Top Grace

(I put that FINE piece of photoshop together on my flight home last night and the gentleman to my right was suddenly very well assured that he was seated next to a perfectly sane human. Perfectly sane!!!)

Anyway, I went down with a very specific house in mind that I "just knew!!!" was perfect for us and made a beeline for the potential home as soon as I landed but surprise, surprise! I was wrong. Luckily, I was steered in smarter directions and after looking at many, many, many houses and sending Simon many, many, many photos and videos ... I'm hope-think-hoping we found a winner. So, hopefully we've got that bit of important squared away for the impending move.

This is not the house but wouldn't it be nice?

Don't mind the creep snapping photos whilst slooooowwwwlllllly driving by. Twice.

Anyway!

A few things I learned on my journey to find house love...

+ I would almost prefer to buy a house that had been previously inhabited by heavy smokers than cat owners (I'm sorry cat lovers! I am). Almost! No amount of candles or air purifiers or open windows can hide those feline fumes and I've got the well-loved bottle of Wal-Dryl to prove it.

+ A for-sale-by-owner home takes triple the time to tour because the owner has a lot to tell you about their beloved abode. Almost none of it is pertinent to the purchasing decision but! it is nice to know that three owners and twenty seven year ago the kitchen linoleum was lime green. I suppose.

+ 99% of the time a house price that seems too good to be true .... is. And the other 1% of the time the diamond has gone under contract five minutes before you called. Fie on you, faster buyers.

+"Loads of vintage charm!!" means dark wood paneling throughout said charmer. Nary a wall missed.

+ "Endless possibilities!!" means that the house is a glorified piece of sh - it needs a lot of work.

+ "Loving artistic touches!!" means every color of the pastel rainbow legitimate life sized murals. In every bedroom and bathroom.

+ Being very visibly pregnant will officially earn you "disabled"status and score you pre-pre-pre-boarding privileges. Even before the triple crown platinum eight star elite members. On select mostly empty flights. If the flight is full? No.

+ Prescription sunglasses (I found a reasonable pair here!) are worth every penny and maybe a few more. I'm sure I could've constructed some sort of sunglasses on top of glasses situation but it was really nice that I didn't have to while searching for teeny tiny street names and addresses etc. I'm a big kid now.

+ Dining alone wasn't awkward or unpleasant but downright ... nice.

... I'm still think about that fancy + glorified egg McMuffin 36 hours later ...

... this outfit was ALL fine and dandy until I had to "gracefully" (fake an LOL for me, please) unbuckle my shoes in the security line while standing and trying not to start heavy breathing like I was post-marathon ... I survived. I did. But mark my words that either I'm toting around a couple extra gallons of amniotic fluid or I'm gestating goliath because this baby feels scarily huge. Words marked? Good.

Onward.

And a few short stories ...

One of the houses had a little fish pond in the yard (alllllll I could think about was what a match made in absolute hell that would be when paired with a sweet little cherub by the name of Sebastian) and there were hundredS of fish in said pond which didn't strike me as that c to the razy until I learned that the owner had initially started out with seven fish and has since given tons and tons away.

I'm not sure why rabbits get all the reproducing credit. Go fish, go. {and apparently they were camera shy or maybe just not photogenic ... it's fine)

On my way down, I did NOT anticipate or allot time for the security line that rivaled Thanksgiving eve travel ...

... and um, I missed my flight. By two minutes. But there were tons of other people in the same boat (plane, polite chuckle) and Southwest was kind and understanding and it wasn't a huge deal aside from the hours and hours of alone time I had to spend in the airport. So rough. So quiet. So peaceful.

So geriatric.

And that was that.

No, it wasn't.

A few hours after I'd flown the Camp Coop .... Simon sent me this clip.

First steps. Little shittling. I've been trying to get her to walk for weeks. And now she's cruising all over and totally prefers Simon to me which isn't the most terrible development only a little bit hurtful. I jest. Mostly.

All for now. But not tomorrow.

See you then.