Simon Says

Making applesauce pancakes for dinner while wearing a (diapered! I promise) fusspot baby so his wife could put a teeeeeny tiny dent in their Vesuvius of a laundry pile. And take this photo. Also - that clock is wrong and battery-less.

Every single time I pull out my phone Simon says, "please don't put this on Snapchat."

After he caught Phoebe squeezing honey allllllll over the kitchen floor Simon said, "am I misremembering? or were all the kids this insane?"

While I was in freak-out-clean-the-house mode before we had company for dinner, Simon very calmly said, "no one's pinning this .... I think we can relax."

After Julia lost her first tooth and I wanted to make sure he'd put it somewhere she wouldn't find it he showed his sentimental colors by answering, "oh, I hid it. In the trash."

While on a walk with all the kids and trying to get some of the more verbal and yell-happy children to keep the noise to a minimum Simon seriously said, "kids, please learn to modulate your voices."

After I told him that the car next to mine in the gym parking lot had been broken into (smashed window and all) and that we were lucky they hadn't touched the van, Simon said, "of course they didn't, we have the best security system in the world - a minivan with five car seats."

One night after dinner Simon said, "I'm telling you this so you can hold me accountable: I took Instagram off my phone. I was spending too much time looking at memes."